In which I talk about potty training and ask for a pep talk...

About an hour ago, while I was eating my breakfast, Charlie came to me and said "Sit on potty!"  He asks to sit on the potty from time to time, but has never been...productive.  If you know what I mean.  So I said, "Ok, you can sit on the potty as soon as Mommy finishes her breakfast."  About 3 minutes later he came to be again and said "Uh-oh!  Poopy!  Change bummy!"  Sure enough...he needed to be changed.

I found this whole exchange simultaneously thrilling and terrifying.  On one hand, to have a child who is not only interested in, but showing initiative to use the potty...this is life changing for me!  On the other hand, the prospect of potty training fills me with dread and anxiety.  Most likely a result of trying (unsuccessfully) to potty train Aubrey for the last 3 years.  I can't even begin to express how emotionally taxing it has been for us.

Also, I wonder...is Charlie too young for this?  He just barely turned two about a month ago.  Is that young?  It just seems really young.  Is it just me?

But, he has been telling me when he has a dirty diaper for months now.  I mean these are signs of readiness, right?

So this is where I ask for help.  What can I do to reduce my anxiety about it?  How seriously should I take his signs of readiness?  Should I go for it, or wait?  If I decide to go for it, what method has worked best for you?  Going all in, or taking a gradual child-led approach? 

I'm just scared of messing things up.

So, if you decided to give me a little pep talk...that would be great.  Thanks in advance!

Gus Gus

Charlie at 14 months old (almost).

-Walks all the time.
-Still nurses about 3-4 times a day
-Has started sleeping through the night, but not on a regular basis.  Most nights he still gets up at least once.
-Climbs everything he can.
-Loves to be outside
-Never stops moving
-Has mostly let go of his second nap
-Is obsessed with his Daddy
-Super ticklish
-Eats a lot, but is kind of picky.  Loves oranges, bananas, cheese, toast, peanut butter, or anything that someone else is eating.
-Starting to "try" to say a few things: Uh-oh, Dog, Duck, Dada, More, Balloon, bubble.  (No mamma, much to my dismay).  Babbles all day.
-Can sign: more, all done, milk
-Loves his green blankie, and needs it for nap time or bedtime.  Sometimes he goes up to his room and pulls it out of his crib for a snuggle.
-Has 8 teeth
-Is a super fun, busy, mischievous little Gus Gus!

Proof That I am More Than a Milk Machine

Today I...

Got Aubrey dressed, and did her hair.

Fed Aubrey breakfast.

Read scriptures with Aubrey, and on my own.

Collected dirty diapers that had accumulated in random places around the house.

Took out the garbage

Gave Aubrey a snack

Helped Aubrey make a birthday card for Matt

Put on make-up and brushed my teeth.  (Don't ask about my hair)

Put Aubs down for a nap

Had bonding time with King Charles (as he is called by his Momma)

Loaded the dishawasher

Ate lunch (and savored every last drop of that diet coke!)

Soothed Charlie to sleep 4 times (it turns out that he likes to be held/rocked...and nothing else with do the trick.  Not the swing, the bouncy chair. etc.)

Worked with Aubrey on her iPad games

Changed 9 diapers (so far)

Contemplated dinner...

....And I was a milk machine :-)

Introducing

Charles Avett

a.k.a Charlie

(photo by Matthew Armstrong)

Born just after Christmas, weighing 9 lbs 12 oz, 20.5 inches

More pictures and details coming very soon!  But for now I will say that we are home, and everyone is doing very well.  Charlie is a little piece of heaven on earth!  Our hearts and our home are full, and our cup runneth over.

To My Son

Dear Baby Boy,

You are coming so soon, and we are so very excited!  On Monday night your Daddy took me out on a special surprise date.  One last chance to get out just the two (and a half) of us, before you come and change our world forever.  We had such a wonderful time.  He took me on a carriage ride around temple square to see the Christmas lights.  It was cold, and short, and romantic.  It made you fall fast asleep.  Then we walked around temple square for a while...but not too long, because walking while you are in my tummy is pretty uncomfortable.  I love temple square.  Did you know that is where our little family began?  It is where we became an eternal family!  I love to go there because it reminds me that you and your sister and Daddy and I get to be a family forever.  It's a pretty good deal!

Then we went to the top of the Joseph Smith Memorial building and had dinner at the roof.  That was your favorite part of the night.  You must have loved the food I ate, because you were moving and kicking like a monkey.  Your daddy and I took our time, and in between our courses we talked about you.  How excited we are for you to come, how we think your sister is going to love you, how we hope everything goes well during your delivery, and our hopes and dreams for your health and happiness.

And here is a little secret, baby.  I ate so much food that your daddy almost had to roll me to the car!  Like Violet from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory!  Except I didn't turn purple.  You will know what I'm talking about some day.

As we were driving home, I was filled with more than just food.  I was filled with love.  Love for you, and for your special sister, and most of all for your daddy.  And the thought came to me, that even though life is very hard sometimes, and we have to go through trials and other things that we just don't want to do...there is never a shortage of love.  Isn't that the greatest gift, baby?

And so, that is what I want you to know.  No matter what...just remember that there is always more than enough love to make everything ok.  Love from me and your dad, and your sister, and our crazy dog Stella.  Abundant love from your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins.  And especially love from your Heavenly Father.

I'm not worried about you baby.  Because I know this beautiful, crazy, special family that you are joining.  And you are going to be so happy here. 

And I'm not worried about the type of man you will be someday...because I know your daddy.  And he is the best there is.

35 weeks (Complaining in CAPS)

 

I am in trouble, y'all.  (Y'all?  Where did that come from?)

I have about a month left of pregnancy, but I am done.  So done.  I went grocery shopping today, and when I finally got the groceries loaded, and hauled my huge behind into the car, I called Matt and declared that I was not going grocery shopping EVER again until I have this baby. 

You see, the baby is sitting so low.  Like right on top of my bladder.  Like when I stand up he is gonna fall out of my who-ha.  And it makes me waddle.  There is no other way.  And it feels like my pelvic bones are separating.  And this baby is big.  SO big!  When I am upright for too long (i.e. walking through the isles of walmart) my back feels like it is going to give out.

By the time I got to the check out I realized that I had forgotten a few things, but OH WELL!  Because Walmart is extra huge when you are 8 months pregnant, and there was no way I was going back.  We'll just have to eat our pizza WITHOUT ANY DANG CHEESE!  Then the cashier took his sweet time ringing up my groceries, and I wanted to yell at him "I AM ABOUT TO TIP OVER/PEE ALL OVER MYSELF!"  But I didn't, because he was old...and because pregnant or not I generally try not to yell at strangers.

Then I waddled my cart to my car as fast as I could, and I could see people staring at me like "That lady is so pregnant she's gonna have her baby in the parking lot!"  NOPE!  Still a month to go, folks!

Then I got home, pulled into the garage, and almost started crying when I realized I still had to carry all the groceries into the house and put them all away.  I know, I know...FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

Alright.  I'm done complaining now.  I just needed to get it out of my system.

Baby boy is still breech, from what I can tell.  I'm pretty sure I feel his head way up at the top of my belly.  He is still pretty active throughout the day.  Sometimes if I haven't felt him move a lot in the evening, I tell Matt to talk to my belly...and sure enough he will start wiggling.  He loves his daddy already!

I am pretty much done with all of my Christmas shopping, so it's time to start getting ready for this little guy.  A friend from church is throwing me a shower tomorrow night, which should be super fun...and help me figure out what is left (if anything) to buy.  This weekend we will be painting the nursery (and hopefully buying our Christmas tree).  Then most of my preparation will be washing clothes, blankets, bedding, car seat, bouncy chair, etc. and sterilizing pacifiers, breast pump parts, and bottles.  I also want to take a tour of the hospital and pre-register.  I am getting so excited!

Our baby has a name.  We call him by it all the time, and even use it when we pray for him.  Which is so different from Aubrey, who went for 2 whole days after she was born without a name.  Our families know, but other than that we are keeping it to ourselves until he is born.  Just to make it special.  And just in case we change our minds at the last second.

Despite all my discomfort and complaining, I am so happy that I can do this.  I think about baby brother all the time.  I wonder what he looks like, and what personality traits he will have.  I daydream about holding him in my arms and sniffing his head.  I imagine how Aubrey will love him.  And what friends they will be someday.  And it makes all the horribleness of pregnancy totally worth it!

Mother Heart and Silver Lining

By way of update...

It turns out that my mother heart was right (of course), and there was something going on with Aubs besides just a never ending stomach flu.  It turns out that she has/had a urinary tract infection that we didn't know about.  She never had a fever the whole time she was sick, so it never even crossed my mind.  And I had no idea that recurring stomach issues can be a symptom of bladder infections, but it turns out that it is.  Plus, Aubrey has no real way of communicating pain to us other than crying or whining...but even then it is always a guess as to what hurts.  So we have NO idea how long she has been suffering with this UTI, and it breaks my heart.  I just wish I could have helped her sooner!  But I am so thankful that we took her to instacare and ran the tests, so now we know, and have her on a round of anti-biotics.  Tomorrow will be one week since she had a bout of diarrhea or vomiting...so we are hoping that the antibiotics are working, and that she is feeling better already.

In other news, I had an ultrasound today and got some rather disappointing news.  Baby boy is in a frank breech position.  Which means his bum is down, his head is up, and his feet are up.  He's folded up like a taco, the little stinker.  Normally it wouldn't be a huge deal because I am only 34 weeks...so there is still some time for him to turn.  But he is also measuring quite huge, which we already knew.  Today the ultrasound showed him measuring 37 weeks and 2 days.  This is important because the bigger the baby is, the less room he has to turn around.  I haven't been able to talk to my doctor about it yet, but the ultrasound technician told me that the chances of a baby turning after 35 weeks are pretty slim.  Whatever position they are in at that point is the position they typically stay in.

Of course the most important thing is that he is healthy, and growing strong.  And we definitely want to get him here as safely as possible.  But I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.  I have been working so hard to prepare myself for a natural VBAC.  Reading books, listening to hypnobirthing tracks, meditating, visualizing, writing a stellar birth plan, etc.  But more and more it seems like my chance for a VBAC is slipping away, and I am going to end up with the exact same birth experience I had with Aubrey.  Which wasn't horrible or traumatizing, but was far from ideal.  And once a woman has had 2 c-sections, she will be hard pressed to find a doctor or a hospital that will allow her to try for a vaginal birth.  I felt like this was my only chance to change my birthing future.  And now I just don't know if that will happen.

So tonight, on Thanksgiving eve, I am searching for the silver lining.  Here is some.  Baby boy looks great and seems to be very healthy.  He is active.  If I do have to have a c-section, at least we will be able to guarantee he will be born in 2011.  Hello tax break!  And not having to repay our insurance deductible!  Also, I am one of those crazy women who really enjoys the hospital stay...so the 4 days of hospital recovery wouldn't be too horrible.  Let's see...what else?  Oh yes, chubby babies are so darn cute, and generally very good sleepers.

Alright, that's all I've got for now.  In the mean time I am still going to hope that he turns, and by some miracle he doesn't grow too big for me to birth vaginally.  But most of all, my pleading will be for his health, and his safe and gentle birth into our world.  We can't wait to have him join our little family.

An Update and Gratitude

Matt is at the BYU football game with his brother, Aubrey is fast asleep, Stella is snoring loudly in the corner, and baby brother is kicking so hard that it hurts.  What better time than this to sit down and blog, right?

Except when I started to think about what I could possibly write about the last two weeks, the only word I could come up with was "puke".  And who wants to read a blog post about that?  Not you!  Not even me!

Well, the last time I wrote, I chronicled the nasty stomach bug that made it's way through our house.  But it turns out that it never really went away.  Everything cleared up for Matt and I, thank goodness, but Aubrey was sick on and off for 17 days.  17 DAYS, Y'ALL!  Oh man, it has been rough.  It will last for a day or two, and then she will be completely fine for 3 or 4 days, and then all of a sudden...BAM.  Back again with a vengeance.  She even went for a stretch of 6 days where she was completely fine, went to school, etc.  Then it came back.  Again.  And I cried a lot.

Because, having a child with the stomach flu is super hard.  Having a completely non-verbal child with the stomach flu...while 8 months pregnant?  WAY HARDER!  And poor, poor Aubrey.  She has been through the ringer!  She missed her last two horse back riding lessons, has lost a lot of weight, and has spent way too much time drinking pedialyte in front of the t.v.  Not to mention that she could never tell us exactly how she was feeling.  We did finally take her to the doctor, because my mother heart kept telling me that something else had to be going on.  They've run some tests, but nothing has come back yet.  She hasn't been sick for a few days though, and we have made some serious restrictions to her diet for the time being, and started her on some pro-biotics.  So hopefully, it is over.

Please.  Please let it be over.

So, my grand plans to get all my Christmas shopping done by Thanksgiving so I could spend the rest of December getting ready for the baby?  Ha!  So funny.

So to combat the totally crap-tastic month that November has been, and the equally crap-tastic mood I've been in, I thought I should make a gratitude list.  You know, since it's almost Thanksgiving and all.  Here goes.

I am Thankful for:
-Matt and his willingness to help whenever and however he can.  He is the best man I know.
-My mom who calls and checks on us everyday, and let's me bawl my guts out on numerous occasions, even though she has serious stress of her own.
-Matt's Mom and Dad, who watched Aubrey so we could go on a date last night.  Man, we needed that.
-Aubrey's sweet disposition, despite her challenges and illness.
-Stella.  She is such a good girl, and so much a part of our family that I can't remember what life was like without her.
-Baby brother.  Despite all the hard things we've been going through lately, he is a constant source of joy to me.  I feel him kick and squirm and move all day long, and I never forget what a blessing he is.  We are SO excited for his arrival!
-A warm comfortable home, and reliable cars.
-Good Health Insurance!
-My washer and dryer.  I've used them so much lately that I'm surprised the Salt Lake valley hasn't sun out of water.
-Kind and thoughtful text messages from friends and neighbors.
-The beautiful snow we got last night.  It was so magical.
-Matt's sexy beard.
-My big bath tub, and hypnobirthing tracks.  Who knows if it will be helpful while I'm in labor...but it sure does help me relax now!
-Netflix and their endless supply of Sesame Street and Super Why episodes.
-Matt's nightly foot massages.  Did I mention that I don't know a better man?

Well, I feel better already.  There really is so so much to be thankful for.  And hopefully (knock on wood, cross your fingers, and pray like crazy) the sickness will be over for good, and we can get on with enjoying the holiday season and getting ready for this baby.  Have a happy Thanksgiving!

31 Weeks

**I realize that these pregnancy updates may be boring for some people to read, but I am going to do it anyway.  People keep asking me how this pregnancy compares to the one I had with Aubrey, and I honestly can't remember that much about my pregnancy with Aubs.  That was almost 5 years ago, I wasn't blogging back then, I was terrible at keeping a journal, and I have a bad memory.  So this is my attempt at record keeping, just in case it's another 5 years before I can have another baby.

Well, it seems that my hopes for having a smaller baby this time around are not likely to be realized.  I knew I was getting pretty big, but I had quite a shock when at my 29 week appointment I measured 34 centimeters.  What the what?  How is that even possible?  Just three weeks before that, I had measured 27 centimeters.  So in a matter of 3 weeks, I went from 27 cm to 34cm.  Holy growth spurt, Batman!  Needless to say, my doctor was just as shocked as I was.  Especially because I passed my glucose test with flying colors, and have not gained a ton of weight.  So she decided to schedule an ultrasound to measure the baby and my fluid levels.

So the next week (30 weeks along) I had the ultrasound.  The ultrasound was quite fun actually.  Matt and Aubrey came along and we all got to see baby brother.  He was very active, and cute as a button.  It's always so fun to see them when they're further along, and actually look like a baby.  We got a few good looks at his face, and confirmed again that he is indeed a boy.  The ultrasound showed him measuring about 33 weeks and 2 days.  Their estimate for his weight was 4lbs 10oz.  Which is kind of really a lot for only being 30 weeks.  They said that their measurements can be off by as much as a pound in either direction.  And as much as I would like to think that they were off by a pound smaller...I know what this baby feels like inside of me.  And it feels ginormous.  Really, really ginormous.

So what does this all mean for my hopes of a natural VBAC?  Well, I don't really know yet.  My desire to have a vbac has not changed at all.  My fear/insecurity about whether or not I will be able to do it has.  So I think for now I am still going to plan on and prepare myself for the natural childbirth experience that I am looking for (as a matter of fact, I just typed up my birth plan today) and just hope and pray that I can go into labor a few weeks early (everyone send out positive vibes for December 20th!).  Because I really don't want to try to push out a 10-11 lb baby.  We will see how it goes.  But ultimately, I just want this boy to get here as safely as possible.  And no matter how he gets to us, if he can get here healthy and whole...then I will be so thrilled.

How am I feeling?  Pretty darn uncomfortable.  I am just starting to get to the part of pregnancy where I am not enjoying myself very much.  Just yesterday I said to Matt "I'm really starting to get sick of being pregnant".  At least I made it to 31 weeks before saying that!  My biggest complaint at this point is back pain.  The heartburn has gotten better, I haven't been having leg cramps, and I can still get my shoes on.  But hauling this big baby around all day is really doing a number on my back.  It hurts when I stand, it hurts when I sit, and it hurts when I lay down.  The only times it doesn't really hurt are when I get on my hands and knees, or sit in a warm bath.

In other pregnancy news, I am beginning to feel super anxious about being ready for the baby.  I am constantly making to-do lists, and lists of things we need to buy.  We need to paint the nursery!  And get a new rocking chair!  And a breast pump!  And a new diaper bag!  Do we have enough clothes?  But the crappy thing is that I am also trying to get all of my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving.  Christmas shopping and preparing for a baby at the same time?  Not so fun for my stress level.  Or the bank account.  But Matt keeps assuring me that it will all get done in time, and that we won't go broke in the process.  Thanks goodness for that calm headed man.

So, time keeps marching on.  I am still amazed at how fast this pregnancy has seemed to move along.  Here is to hoping that the next 9 weeks (or 7 weeks, wink wink!) go just as fast!

Morning Randomness

I have been awake since 4:30am. I got up to use the bathroom, and then instead of going back to sleep I laid in bed thinking obsessively about...wait for it...breast pumps. Weird, and stupid.

So around 5:00 I got up because I knew Matt would be getting up soon anyway. I went downstairs and made his lunch for work, and made him a nice warm breakfast. That man rarely eats a good breakfast these days...which I think is an abomination. If I were a better wife I would make his lunch and breakfast everyday, and not just on days when I can't sleep. But I am truly not a morning person. And dang, he gets up EARLY. Maybe I'll work on that. When I'm not pregnant. Or up all night with a newborn. Or...never mind.

Speaking of pregnant. Here's whats up with that. I am 27 weeks today. Which means only one more week until I enter the 3rd trimester. I never thought I would feel this way about being pregnant, but dang it is going fast! It seems like just a few weeks ago I was barfing everything I ate in Florida. And now it's October! I really only have 3 more months of pregnancy. And I know once the Holidays roll in, things are really going to fly by.

How am I feeling? Pretty good for the most part. Sleep is getting more difficult, but it is still not bad enough that I feel like a zombie during the day. The back pain comes and goes depending on my level of activity, but a warm bath easily helps that. I have leg cramps during the night every once in a while, and braxton hicks contractions everyday. But all these things are manageable. Now, the heartburn? Oh, the wickedness of heartburn. I hate it with every fiber of my being. And tums are my new best friend.

At my last doctors appointment I was measuring one centimeter large. Which isn't really that big of a deal, but it totally freaked me out because Aubrey was such a HUGE baby. I really don't want to have another 10lb baby...especially because I am hoping for a natural VBAC. Please, can I just have a nice 7 1/2-8 pounder?

My emotions are pretty whacked out these days. Everything makes me cry. I cry watching Music and the Spoken Word. I cry listening to music, watching a movie, reading a book, singing to Aubrey. I cry at happy things, hard things, and dumb things. And in every instance, it's over just as quickly as it started.

We have narrowed our favorite names down to 2. I'm pretty sure we have settled on one name, but we aren't going to say for sure until we meet our little guy and see if the name fits. I call our baby my little kick boxer, because he is moving and kicking all the time. Especially first thing in the morning. As soon as I wake up he gets busy kicking and punching my insides. I sit up in bed and watch my whole belly move and shake, and it makes me laugh. And it makes me feel like I am getting to know him. I think he is a funny little guy. He's got spunk.

Well, if I'm lucky I have another hour before Aubrey wakes up. Maybe I should try to go back to sleep. Or maybe I should research breast pumps:) Do any of you nursing/pumping mommies out there have any recommendations? What have you used and liked? Or, did you feel like you never really needed one? (I never pumped with Aubs)

Crazy Pregnant Lady Late at Night

 

It is 12:20 am and I can't sleep.  Part of it is because I took the most glorious nap this afternoon.  The other part of it is because I am a worrying machine late at night.  Especially lately.

Just now, I attempted to wake Matt up so he could help me clear my mind.  I shook him and shook him and shook him.  He is not easy to wake.  Finally he rolled over and asked what was wrong.  I told him I couldn't stop worrying and I couldn't sleep, and asked him if he could help me stop worrying by talking through some things with me.  He put his arm around me and said "Of course!".  Then he promptly started snoring again.  At least he had good intentions!

But for the past few weeks I have been having ridiculous stress dreams all night long.  Like I am in charge of Thanksgiving dinner, but I never thawed the turkey and I forgot to buy half of the food we would need.  Or, I am in college and it's finals, but I remember that there is a class I haven't been going to for weeks, and how am I gonna pass the final?  Or it's the first day of high school, and I don't know my locker combination or where my classes are.

I knew that if I didn't clear my mind of some of this nonsensical worry, I would have more crazy dreams.  So here is what's on my mind.

I am worrying about Aubrey.  Surprise, surprise.  I am worrying about school, and if she is getting enough attention, and if she is being challenged enough.  I am worrying about whether we should get her additional therapies and if so how are we going to afford it. 

I am worried about how I am ever going to get her fully potty trained, and what are we gonna do when she outgrows size 6 diapers.  I am worried because she is coming down with a cold, and should I take her to her horseback riding lesson tomorrow?  And will I ever feel like I am doing everything I should be doing for her?

I am worrying about being prepared for the baby.  Why can't I find bedding that I like?  When are we gonna get around to painting the nursery?  Should I be buying more stuff?  Where am I gonna put everything?  Should I buy the Hypnobabies cd's or try to borrow them from someone?  Who would I even ask?

I am worried about the pregnancy.  Why is everything happening so fast?  Should my pelvis really be hurting like this already?  And really...isn't it a little early for braxton hicks contractions?  And for the love of Pete...I KNOW my boobs should not already be leaking this much!  (Sorry for the tmi...but seriously. COME. ON.)

*deep breath* So now I think I will lay back down and throw these vibes out to the universe.

Aubrey will be fine.  We will keep working our way through things one day at a time, and she will learn what she needs to learn when she needs to learn it.  We are doing our best.  The baby is fine.  He will have everything he needs.  I will have a magnificent birth experience.  I will be prepared.  I will find someone who will lend me their Hypnobabies materials so I don't have to buy it.  There will be room for everything.  My body knows what it is doing, and I will trust it.  It is working hard, and doing what it should.  And I am so thankful for these things.

And thankfully...I am NOT in charge of Thanksgiving this year:)  Nighty night.

22 Weeks

 

 Things are going well.  I am getting bigger and bigger all the time.  And baby boy sure is getting strong.  He moves around a lot, and those kicks are getting stronger everyday.  Matt is now able to feel the baby move by putting his hand on my belly.  And (don't tell him I told you this) sometimes he talks to my belly.  My boys are bonding.

At my last appointment my doctor confirmed that everything in the ultrasound looked great, and that was a real relief.  She said I am doing great at keeping my weight in check, and gaining at just the right pace.  Yahoo!  My uterus is also measuring just right...which was a HUGE surprise to me, because I feel like a whale these days.  But that probably has something to do with how high I am carrying this baby...and the shortness of my torso.

For the most part, I am feeling great.  Sleep hasn't completely alluded me yet, I've only had heartburn once or twice, and everything seems to be going really fast...which is kind of nice!  The only real complaint I have at this point is that a lot of the aches and pains that usually show up during the 3rd trimester have already started for me.  Lower back pain, leg cramps, pelvic pain...oh, and my feet have grown.  It's kind of like my body is saying "Oh, I remember this!  I know what to do!".  Everything seems to be loosening up and spreading out much faster this time around.  But I've been doing some prenatal yoga, and that coupled with walking seems to help.

So far, I am really enjoying being pregnant.  I love watching my body change and grow to accommodate this tiny human.  I am constantly in awe of the perfect miracle that our bodies are.  It makes me feel powerful, and special, and closer to Heavenly Father.  It is all such a gift!

Back To School

Miss Aubrey started back to preschool today.  It was a wonderful day!  This year she seemed more than ready to go.  To be honest, we were both more than ready.  She is going three days a week this year, and she is riding the bus home from school.  And judging from today's reactions, I think the year will be a great success.  When I dropped Aubrey off at school, she ran right over to her teacher's aid, gave her a big hug, grabbed her hand, and promptly waved bye-bye to me.  I was so proud of her!

Last year we attempted the bus for about a week before giving it up.  Aubrey hated it, I was never comfortable with the bus driver, and I just thought 3 was too young to send my baby off on a school bus.  But this year, I love the driver and now there is also an aid that rides the bus with the kids as well.  I felt much more comfortable with the situation this time around.  And with baby brother coming this winter, I thought having Aubrey take the bus would be a real help to me.  So for now we are just having her ride the bus home from school to get used to it...and then in a month or so we will start letting her ride both ways.

I was really anxious to see how she would handle coming home on the bus, but she did great!  The aid said that she never cried or whined, and when she came off the bus today she greeted me with a great big smile and a big hug.  It was a huge success!

I am really going to do my best to enjoy this time I am going to have all to myself for the next few months.  It may only be for a few hours a day, three times a week...but after the baby is born that free time won't exist anymore.  Which is exactly the way it is supposed to be.  But for now, I'm going to take advantage of it.  Today I celebrated my free time by doing a little child free shopping, and reading a book.  In the future I plan to use the time to go to the gym, take Stella for a walk, do my visiting teaching, stroll through the library, shop for little boy things (squeal!), and get my Christmas shopping done.

All in all, it was a wonderful start to a new school year...and I hope we have many more great days.

Making Room

 The wall color isn't very accurate in this photo because the overhead lights were on...but you get the picture. 

 Even if you can't tell from these photos, it really is the perfect grey/blue color...and I am SO happy with the outcome.

Ever since we found out that baby number 2 is of the male persuasion, I have been in a mad frenzy to finish projects and make room in our small home for him.  The day we had the ultrasound I started cleaning out closets, pulling out storage totes full of girl clothes, making piles to send to D.I., and just organizing in general.  All of a sudden, I felt like there was so much to do, and I didn't want to wait until the last minute.

So Matt tackled the large job of painting the master bedroom.  And with his dad's help and a couple of late nights, it is done and looks so lovely.  I searched for the perfect grey/blue color for months...and I could not be more happy with the way it turned out.

Now we are in the process of switching Aubrey to a different room...and making some finishing touches to her decor.  She got a new mattress, bedding, and chair.  The computer desk has found a new home in our Master bedroom.  I was dreading this, but we had the perfect place for it...and our room still feels like a calm inviting place to be.

Once that is done, we will begin making baby brother's room ready for him.

I think part of the urgency I feel, isn't just about making room for the new baby in our home.  I feel urgency to make room for him in our lives.  Aubrey is such a demanding child, and requires so much of my time, focus, attention, patience, and thought.  Sometimes I worry that this boy is going to have to fight for his place in our crazy little family. 

And sometimes when I am busy organizing, rearranging, and preparing for him in a physical way...I can feel myself sending little vibes into my womb.  Vibes that say "Don't worry little one.  There is room for you here.  Plenty of room.  I will make sure of it."  And despite the busy work of making our home ready, I am making my heart ready too.  Ready to grow and contain more.

It is hard to describe the way it feels to fall in love with someone you haven't met yet.  But with every little kick and nudge, I am reminded that he is already mine.  Ours.  And I am so happy to make room for him.

In Case You Were Wondering

We had our ultrasound this morning, and discovered that baby #2 is a boy!  It was so very exciting.  I have to admit that I suspected it was a boy from the very beginning.  When we had the first ultrasound to see the heartbeat at 8 weeks, I said to Matt "That's a boy!"  To which he replied "That's a jelly bean!" and I said "That's a BOY jelly bean!"  It's fun to be right.  And in case you were wondering, Matt is very excited. :-)

From what we can tell, everything looks good.  They don't tell you anything when you're there...they give it to a doctor to review and then call you if anything looks out of the ordinary.  So in this case, no news is good news.  But we got to see his heart, head, face, feet, legs, arms, hands, organs, placenta, boy parts, etc.  It was so fun to feel him kick and punch, and to watch it on the screen at the same time.

I am so excited to have a boy.  And a little nervous too.  Sometimes I think I don't know how to be a boy Mommy!  But I love him already so much, and I can't wait to learn what it's like to be a boy mommy.  We are so happy.

18 Weeks

Let's hope that next time my walls will finally be painted and our bed will be made.

A Record of Pregnancy

I thought I should write a little update on the pregnancy thus far.  I didn't have a blog when I was pregnant with Aubrey, and I was horrible about keeping a journal.  So I thought it would be nice to have a record of this pregnancy for the future.

I am 16 weeks along.  I was completely over the sickness by 14 weeks, and that was such a relief.  These days I am in that blissful stage where I feel great physically.  On most days my energy is great (with the help of an afternoon nap while Aubs naps), and we are back to life as usual.  Every once in a while I am afflicted with a headache, and if I've had a bad nights sleep I will completely drag the next day.  I've been able to keep my weight gain in check...and I'm hoping to do better with that than I did with Aubrey.  Because, did you know that the more weight you gain when you're pregnant, the more weight your baby will gain?  Here's to not having another 10 lb baby and a c-section!

Speaking of c-sections.  I am planning on having a v-bac (assuming all goes well with the pregnancy...which I am).  I've spoken with my doctor about it, and she is supportive of helping me make that happen, which is a real relief.  I have been doing a lot of research/reading/etc. and I'm really just trying to educate myself on the best ways to make that happen.  And for me, that means having a natural birth.  I hesitate to write much about that, because it's something that Matt and I strongly feel is the right decision for us, but we have gotten some negative/non-supportive responses from people when we've told them of this desire.  Which can be discouraging.  But the truth is that making this decision is going to have a very real impact on this pregnancy and our preparation for birth, so it can't be ignored.  I know it is not the right choice for everyone, and I am aware that it may not work for us the way we are planning it...but it is what we are hoping and planning for.  That's all.

So far, no heartburn/indigestion problems.  And my skin has been cooperating very nicely.  Some days I feel like I am definitely looking pregnant, and other days I just feel like I am looking fat.  But I can definitely feel my body stretching and growing to accommodate this little one, and it is all very exciting.  Plus, I'm in that awkward stage where none of my regular clothes fit me, but I'm not really big enough for maternity clothes either, so most days I'm walking around in weird patched together outfits that don't really make any sense.

Over the past few days I've thought that I have felt the baby move every once in a while...although sometimes it's hard to tell for sure.  Mostly I feel little flutters and twitches when I lay down after being really active for a while.  It's my favorite thing.

We talk to Aubrey a lot about the baby, but it's hard to tell if she has any clue what we're talking about.  I know it is going to be a big change for her.  Aubrey will almost be five by the time this baby is due...and that is a long time to be an only child.  But despite all of that, I have the very strong feeling that Aubrey is going to be a very good big sister.  Maybe not in the "typical" big sister way, but I think she will be a blessing to the baby, and in return be very blessed by the baby as well.  It is not something that I'm worried about.

Speaking of being worried...I am.  A lot.  About everything you could possibly imagine.  And my emotions are always pretty much right on the edge of the surface.  Just like the cartoon at the top...It seems I am FEELING for two.  But we are trying to reduce a lot of the stress we have in our lives, and simplify.  Mostly we are praying and praying and praying, and I think that will help:)

Well, that should cover it for now.  I have another appointment this week, and I am very anxious to hear that little heartbeat again.  There is nothing quite so reassuring to an expecting mother.

I'm gonna look like this in a few months....

 

That's right!  We are SO thrilled to announce that Baby #2 is on the way!!!!

Here are the answers to some of your most FAQ's.

-How far along are you?  12 weeks

-When are you due?  My due date is January 3rd.

-Are you so excited?  Of course!  We have been waiting for this for such a long time.  During the first 11 weeks I was very cautious with my emotions.  I was just so scared that we would lose this pregnancy, and I couldn't let myself fully fall in love with this baby right away.  It was my way of protecting my heart.  But when we heard and saw the heartbeat for the first time at 8 weeks, and then again at 12 weeks...so much of my fear melted away and has been replaced with pure joy!

-Have you been sick?  At any given moment, the following things can be found on my night stand.  Gatorade, saltine crackers, and a bottle of Zofran.  That should answer your question.  Yes, I have been ridiculously sick.  And it all started just in time for our trip to Florida.  But again, the sickness was always a welcome sign that I am in fact pregnant.  So even though it has been miserable, and I've popped blood vessels in my face from throwing up so hard...it's a happy kind of miserable:)

-How many babies are in there?  Yes, we were on fertility drugs when we conceived.  But there is ONLY ONE baby in there.  No, we are not disappointed about that!  We are thrilled with the one on the way, and we will always be happy with whatever God blesses us with.  Now, I may end up looking like I'm carrying twins...but if that is the case, do yourself a favor and keep your opinions to yourself :-)

Well, that should just about cover it for now.  It is such a relief to finally tell the world our happy news!  Now I can eat at church without getting strange looks, and stop trying to hide my already bulging belly:)  And I will be sure to post pictures when I stop just looking fat, and start looking pregnant!

And, thank you to all of my friends and love ones who have offered prayer's and positive energy on our behalf.  We love you all.