Mother Heart and Silver Lining

By way of update...

It turns out that my mother heart was right (of course), and there was something going on with Aubs besides just a never ending stomach flu.  It turns out that she has/had a urinary tract infection that we didn't know about.  She never had a fever the whole time she was sick, so it never even crossed my mind.  And I had no idea that recurring stomach issues can be a symptom of bladder infections, but it turns out that it is.  Plus, Aubrey has no real way of communicating pain to us other than crying or whining...but even then it is always a guess as to what hurts.  So we have NO idea how long she has been suffering with this UTI, and it breaks my heart.  I just wish I could have helped her sooner!  But I am so thankful that we took her to instacare and ran the tests, so now we know, and have her on a round of anti-biotics.  Tomorrow will be one week since she had a bout of diarrhea or vomiting...so we are hoping that the antibiotics are working, and that she is feeling better already.

In other news, I had an ultrasound today and got some rather disappointing news.  Baby boy is in a frank breech position.  Which means his bum is down, his head is up, and his feet are up.  He's folded up like a taco, the little stinker.  Normally it wouldn't be a huge deal because I am only 34 weeks...so there is still some time for him to turn.  But he is also measuring quite huge, which we already knew.  Today the ultrasound showed him measuring 37 weeks and 2 days.  This is important because the bigger the baby is, the less room he has to turn around.  I haven't been able to talk to my doctor about it yet, but the ultrasound technician told me that the chances of a baby turning after 35 weeks are pretty slim.  Whatever position they are in at that point is the position they typically stay in.

Of course the most important thing is that he is healthy, and growing strong.  And we definitely want to get him here as safely as possible.  But I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.  I have been working so hard to prepare myself for a natural VBAC.  Reading books, listening to hypnobirthing tracks, meditating, visualizing, writing a stellar birth plan, etc.  But more and more it seems like my chance for a VBAC is slipping away, and I am going to end up with the exact same birth experience I had with Aubrey.  Which wasn't horrible or traumatizing, but was far from ideal.  And once a woman has had 2 c-sections, she will be hard pressed to find a doctor or a hospital that will allow her to try for a vaginal birth.  I felt like this was my only chance to change my birthing future.  And now I just don't know if that will happen.

So tonight, on Thanksgiving eve, I am searching for the silver lining.  Here is some.  Baby boy looks great and seems to be very healthy.  He is active.  If I do have to have a c-section, at least we will be able to guarantee he will be born in 2011.  Hello tax break!  And not having to repay our insurance deductible!  Also, I am one of those crazy women who really enjoys the hospital stay...so the 4 days of hospital recovery wouldn't be too horrible.  Let's see...what else?  Oh yes, chubby babies are so darn cute, and generally very good sleepers.

Alright, that's all I've got for now.  In the mean time I am still going to hope that he turns, and by some miracle he doesn't grow too big for me to birth vaginally.  But most of all, my pleading will be for his health, and his safe and gentle birth into our world.  We can't wait to have him join our little family.