It is 12:20 am and I can't sleep. Part of it is because I took the most glorious nap this afternoon. The other part of it is because I am a worrying machine late at night. Especially lately.
But for the past few weeks I have been having ridiculous stress dreams all night long. Like I am in charge of Thanksgiving dinner, but I never thawed the turkey and I forgot to buy half of the food we would need. Or, I am in college and it's finals, but I remember that there is a class I haven't been going to for weeks, and how am I gonna pass the final? Or it's the first day of high school, and I don't know my locker combination or where my classes are.
I knew that if I didn't clear my mind of some of this nonsensical worry, I would have more crazy dreams. So here is what's on my mind.
I am worrying about Aubrey. Surprise, surprise. I am worrying about school, and if she is getting enough attention, and if she is being challenged enough. I am worrying about whether we should get her additional therapies and if so how are we going to afford it.
I am worried about how I am ever going to get her fully potty trained, and what are we gonna do when she outgrows size 6 diapers. I am worried because she is coming down with a cold, and should I take her to her horseback riding lesson tomorrow? And will I ever feel like I am doing everything I should be doing for her?
I am worrying about being prepared for the baby. Why can't I find bedding that I like? When are we gonna get around to painting the nursery? Should I be buying more stuff? Where am I gonna put everything? Should I buy the Hypnobabies cd's or try to borrow them from someone? Who would I even ask?
I am worried about the pregnancy. Why is everything happening so fast? Should my pelvis really be hurting like this already? And really...isn't it a little early for braxton hicks contractions? And for the love of Pete...I KNOW my boobs should not already be leaking this much! (Sorry for the tmi...but seriously. COME. ON.)
*deep breath* So now I think I will lay back down and throw these vibes out to the universe.
Aubrey will be fine. We will keep working our way through things one day at a time, and she will learn what she needs to learn when she needs to learn it. We are doing our best. The baby is fine. He will have everything he needs. I will have a magnificent birth experience. I will be prepared. I will find someone who will lend me their Hypnobabies materials so I don't have to buy it. There will be room for everything. My body knows what it is doing, and I will trust it. It is working hard, and doing what it should. And I am so thankful for these things.
And thankfully...I am NOT in charge of Thanksgiving this year:) Nighty night.
5 comments:
Oh Megora. I am sure everything will turn out just right. I too cannot turn my brain off sometimes. Yes, Taylor also has good intentions to listen........while snoring ;) I can tell you, because I am a week behind you that I too am already feeling lots of ligament pain, this morning on my walk it was killing me, and my back is starting to hurt. Already! My Dr. told me that with each pregnancy symptoms present themselves sooner than they did with the last. Just so frustrating isn't it!? Oh, and for the record, I don't think Heavenly Father could have picked better parents for Aubrey then you and Matt. You guys are doing a great job.
I have the locker dream all the time. Maybe it's a Bearcat thing ;)
Pregnant or not I always dream about being unprepared for school. They always suck :P
If it helps you feel any better, know that I get braxton hicks crazy-early with each pregnancy (and they only get earlier). With my last one (my 4th) I started to get them at 11 weeks...no joke! I go on to have normal, full-term births :)
I have found that things always happen earlier in each pregnancy, even the growth and leakage of the boobs... Wonderful isn't it??!! :) If you ever figure out how to turn the brain off, please share!!
you're doing great! worrying is just part of the Mommy job. Try and remember back to a year or even two years ago with Aubrey. I remember reading posts where you said "will she ever learn to walk?" Now look at the progress she has made. Full potty training will come in time too! You are doing awesome as a Mommy...and if you want, I will come paint your nursery! I love to paint, and I'm not prego right now, so I can! Besides, it's only been like 9 years since we've seen each other!
Oh, and what's Hypnobaby?
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