We were working over at the new house this afternoon, when one of our new neighbors came by with her daughter to introduce themselves. We stood on the porch and visited for a while, and before we knew it there were about 8 or 9 kids in our front yard to meet us. It was great fun, and Aubrey was in heaven. It made us even more excited to move! Our new neighbor let us know about a neighborhood party that was happening the next street over later that evening, and invited us to come. We were really looking forward to getting to know the people in our ward/neighborhood so we decided to go.
One of the only things that has made me nervous about this move was starting over in a new place with Aubrey. We have lived in this ward for almost Aubrey's whole life. She was not even crawling when we moved here. And for all intents and purposes, the people in our ward have taken the journey of understanding and raising Aubs right along with us. They know her, and understand her, and love her.
But how to start new? How do you help people understand your special child, especially with no diagnosis to help explain? How to help people understand that she is different, special, and unique? She is just Aubrey.
So, off to the party we went. We met lovely, kind, warm people...and they welcomed us with open arms. After mingling for a while, our neighbor's daughter took Aubrey over to a swing set to play. It was crowded, and crawling with wild, rambunctious little boys. Sure enough, after only a minute Aubrey was hurt and crying. After making sure that everything was alright, we stayed close to make sure she didn't fall again.
As I stood by, I overheard some little boys having a conversation about Aubrey. "Did you know that she can't talk?" "Yeah, I know that. She's my new neighbor." "Yeah. She's handicapped." "I know. Handicapped means that you can't talk." "But I wonder what makes her like that?"
"Me too" I thought, to myself. At that point I decided to walk away and let Matt stay with Aubrey at the swing set.
It took all of ten minutes before Aubrey was labeled. Handicapped. I know that these boys did not speak these words to be hurtful. They were not trying to be unkind. They just don't know the right words to say. And that's ok. Sometimes I don't know the right words to say either, and I'm a grown-up. And besides, handicapped is not a bad word. It's just a label. And yet...sometimes labels can hurt. Not necessarily the word itself, but the act of being labeled.
I sat down with Charlie, and I looked around, and I wondered why I felt so sad. And I think it's because I know that I carry the label too. Because when we meet new people or go somewhere new I want for people to know that I am Megan, and my husband is Matt. My daughter is Aubrey, and my son is Charlie. And I want them to get to know us. I want them to know me. And instead, the first thing anyone ever knows about us is...that is Aubrey, and she is disabled/handicapped/challenged/different. And that is Megan...she is the one with the disabled/handicapped/challenged/different daughter.
I wear that label proudly. Because Aubrey is the most amazing human being I have ever known. And I believe that being Aubrey's mother is the greatest calling I have been given. But it is still a label that I am getting used to carrying. And to tell the truth, being Aubrey's mom has affected friendships in my life. Some have stuck close, and embraced the challenge. Others drift away when our circumstances don't make things easy or convenient. But that is neither here nor there, I suppose. It just stays in the back of my mind whenever we meet new people.
I guess I just have to believe that in time, the people in our new ward/neighborhood will get to know Aubrey for who she is. The girl with the big smile, and big laugh, and big heart. The girl with bouncy curls, tight hugs, and a strong testimony. And the girl with the awesome mom!:) And then, the labels will melt away...because there will be no need. They will know that she is just Aubrey. And they will love her. Because, how can you not?
6 comments:
I'm so glad you got to meet some neighbors! I'm sure it is so hard meeting new people and being labeled. Even though most people don't understand what they are doing, I'm sure its hurtful nonetheless. And I know that in no time at all, people will look at aubrey and see her the way we all do, and will definitely look at you and see the awesome mom you are!
(((hugs))) sweetie. I'm sure it won't take long at all before they melt in that big gorgeous smile of Miss Aubrey's and see her for the amazing little girl that she is.
I, of all people, can empathize with the difficulty of labels. The thing that I've discovered is that you can let others define you through the label, or you can use the label to define a PART of yourself. In many ways, these labels represent in our minds the shortcomings, failings, or disappointment of life. They often serve as reminders of things being "not normal". But the thing is those same labels make you, Aubrey, Matt, and Charlie special. Those people who are worth knowing, worth having in your life, are the people who realize that the word isn't a label, it's a adjective that shows you have traits and situations in your life that make you special--that make you you.
My heart hurts for you, because I know it's not fun to feel separate or different. But I also know that when you find the people who can see past the word and meet the person behind it, you will have found the kind of people who you will be proud to call your friends.
And you're right. How can you not love Aubrey (or her mom)? The labels won't mean much for long.
Hugs! & of course love!
I want a "like" button on this. Well said:)
Aubrey is so blessed and lucky to have a wonderful mom like you. You will be always her bestest friend!
love you Megan! You are a wonderful example to all of us.
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