Aubrey is out of school right now. It's hard for both of us. She loved school. She thrived with the socialization, the structure, and the break from home. I thrived too. When Aubrey goes to school (even though it's only twice a week for two hours) I feel like I am able to share some of the weight that comes with raising a child with special needs. I have a team, and everything doesn't all fall on me.
Since Aubrey has been off for the summer I have been trying my best to keep her entertained and on track. But it is so hard.
This afternoon Aubrey and I sat down for some table time. The goal: make daddy a card using markers, stickers, and paint. And it was a disaster. Aubrey's fine motor skills are still so delayed that she doesn't know how to hold the marker or the paint brush right side up to get the color on the paper. Her attention span is so incredibly short that she doesn't even look at the paper when I take her hand, hold it the right way, and color for her. She is so easily distracted that when she gets the sticker in her hand she forgets she has it and drops it before it gets on the paper.
And all the while Aubrey is getting so frustrated and stressed out. She starts crying because it's hard. Then she starts putting things in her mouth and she bites me.
And it is all I can do not to lose it.
And let me tell you. The urge to lose it is a strong one. Probably stronger than the urge to eat a whole bag of popcorn. Stronger than the urge to watch The Bachelorette even though you know it is mindless smut.
And this is what would happen if I didn't fight the urge. I would scream, and cry, and yell. I would say things that I would regret. I would tell God I was done trying, and that he should have known better than to think I could deal.
But don't worry. I didn't lose it. I took what we had done and put it on the fridge. I put Aubrey in the front room, turned on Super Why, walked into the laundry room, and had myself a nice little cry.
One of my biggest character weaknesses is (and always has been) patience.
But I'm trying. That has to count for something.
5 comments:
You're better at being patient than I am....I can promise you that! You're doing an awesome job!! TRYING is better than just counting for something....it's the very best we can do and you are doing fabulous at it!
Of course it counts for something. It counts for a lot! What you just wrote speaks clearly on one kind of mother you are. You are a wonderful one and doing a great job.
Dear Megan!
One of my friend used to tell me that the problem is not int he thing when we fall but when we don't or are not willing to stand up and try again. You're doing your best as trying and i know that the Lord will bless you for that. Aubrey will be always grateful for your love and patiance with her, even if you feel your patiance is not enough. I think we can all work on that every day. So don't worry if you have to have a little cry in the laundry room- i do have some too every once in a while:)
It counts. Heaven knows, it counts.
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