"Secondary infertility is usually defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after successfully and naturally conceiving one or more children."
As is often the case for someone my age, there seems to be a torrent of good fertility news for many of my friends right now. In the last 3 days I have learned that 4 friends of mine are expecting. For all of them it is their second or third child. It is wonderful, joyous, happy news worth celebrating.
It is also news that makes my stomach flip flop, and ache with emptiness.
Today as I was walking out of Target, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was forgetting something. I took a quick inventory. I have my purse, I have my bag, I have my keys, I have my sunglasses, I have Aubrey. What am I missing? As I continued walking to the parking lot I realized that what I was missing was my other child. The one who isn't here yet.
And so it goes. I try daily to fight the feelings of frustration, anger, failure, and the overwhelming sense that nothing in life seems to come easily for me. I cling to the hope that one day I will walk out of the store, out of church, or away from the park and know that no one is missing.
9 comments:
I feel ya - dealing with the same issue.
Love you! And I completely understand how you feel. In every issue you're facing right now.....Hopefully the Lord is just waiting for us to get preggers together! Keeping you in our prayers and keeping our fingers crossed for you!
{{{HUGS}}} I feel bad saying that I know how hard it can be, being that I am pregnant with baby#3, but I know it is.
It took us over a year to conceive baby#1. Then when we started trying for baby#2 when baby#1 was 5 months old, it didn't go so well... lots of cycles went by and then a miscarriage and it wasn't until baby#1 was a 17 months old that we finally got our baby#2 started, an entire year later. Baby#3 is our miracle, less than a year to conceive baby that only took 6 months. And I know my "supposed" fertility struggles do NOT even begin to hold a candle to what many must go through.
Anyway, I guess the point of all my ramblings is to say it's okay to feel disheartened and sad. It's hard when you want something that you know is right and good but it doesn't happen right when you want it to. I know that you know that the Lord loves you and knows the righteous desires of your heart. You will be blessed for that in the best way the Lord sees fit. Thank you for always being such a strong example of courage and faith to me through your blog. You and Matt will most definitely be in my prayers and I hope the little one(s) you are missing can be in your arms soon!
Oh sweetie, I'm so, so sorry! I know that doesn't even do anything to comfort you, but just picture a big ol' hug coming from me. The Lord is preparing a very special spirit for such a special mother and family. HUGE (((hugs)))
I am so sorry Megan. I can't begin to imagine or even feel what it is you are going through.
I do know however that one of my very best friends had this same issue. When her baby #1 was 8 years old she finally was able to have more. Her heart longed all those years wanting more and having to face the reality that there just may not be more - and now she has 5 beautiful kids.
Heavenly Father knows. And although that really doesn't make it all that easier sometimes - the time will hopefully come in due time.
oh megan- you are in my thoughts and prayers. the lord will bless you for your patience. i know that is easier said then done- but you are one strong woman- i admire you so much. you are amazing!
Aww,Megan I'm sorry. I was actually just thinking about you this morning and wondering what was going on. I don't really have any comforting words since I'm pretty bummed out myself. We are going on 14 months now. I will, however, recommend a book that helped me a LOT (I hope I haven't already recommended it to you, that would be embarassing) but it is called Conquering Infertility by Alice Domar. It's basically a sympathy book but it was great to read all the different feelings/thoughts and be like "yes! that is exactly how i feel!" when no one else seems to understand. Anyway, know that you're in my prayers always.
I'm sorry this is a struggle you're forced to bear.
We all have those life struggles, and unfortunately, in comparison, others' struggles never really seem to match up to our own at the time.
You are an excellent mother. The Lord knows that. Continue to be faithful and he will bless you with such a wonderful spirit that the rest of us will all be so jealous! I love you, Megan! Hope this next month brings better news...
Meg, I'm so sorry that things aren't going well. I know that we have VERY different pregnancy problems, but I can empathize a little. I HATE going to the grocery store and have since having Sam and knowing that we will NEVER have a normal pregnancy, (if we were to have another at all). One day I literally got the urge to "nudge" a pregnant lady with my car as she walked passed it. Luckily my better sense took over my insane jealous rage and I decided to calmly wait for her to pass me. I've refused going to church activities to avoid all the pregnant ladies, stopped reading my sister-in-law's blog to avoid hating her and her perfect pregnancies, and have ended up bawling in the middle of Macy's before all because I couldn't stand that horrible aching feeling for one more second.
I pray that you don't have to feel that horrible aching feeling anymore. Best of luck. You're in my prayers.
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