Freedom

To the average person these probably just look like a bunch of random pictures.  But at our house these are more than just pictures.  These are a form of communication.  Having an almost 3 year old that has zero words, and only a handful of signs is incredibly frustrating.  Being an almost 3 year old with zero words and only a handful of signs is even more frustrating.

In an attempt to reduce tantrums, meltdowns, and general tension in our house we have come up with a picture program for Aubrey.  It is still a work in progress, but the idea is that when there is a communication breakdown Aubrey will choose from some pictures to show us what she wants/needs.  Right now she can choose from: Drink, Snack, Stella, Bed, Daddy, Books, Hug & Kisses/Mommy, Baby & Blanket, Outside, and Diaper.  She also has a homemade songbook, with pictures so she can tell us what song she wants to sing.  But it is such a limited selection.

We are still trying to teach her how it works, and I think it is starting to catch on a little bit.  She can definitely identify each picture if we ask her to.  But during a very frustrated moment it is hard for her to pay attention enough to pick a picture.  And there so many gaps.  What about when she isn't feeling well, or she is scared, or she just doesn't know what she wants. 

I ache for my Aubrey to tell me things.  My mom is my best friend in the whole world, aside from Matt.  We talk to each other almost every day...and sometimes several times a day.  She is such a comfort to me.  I can tell her anything, and she is always there to listen even if she doesn't have any answers for me.  What a blessing!  I long to be that listening ear to Aubrey.  I want her to ask me questions, and tell me what makes her the happiest.  I want to know what she dreams about at night, what she thinks about green beans, and how she feels about school.  I want her to call to me.  I want her to pray.  Mostly I want her to know the freedom of expressing herself.  To feel the freedom of being understood.

Matt and I have been having the "Do you think she will ever talk" conversation lately.  It is a hard reality to face, but one that we must discuss.  There is a real possibility that speech may never come to Aubrey.  We will continue to hope and pray for it, but we must also accept that it may never happen.  What a challenging life that would be for our girl.

It is funny how sometimes I just "know" what she is feeling without saying anything.  The other night during a frustrating dinner Matt said "What is her deal?", and I said "She has a sore throat.  She just wants milk."  He wanted to know how I knew, and all I could say was "I just know".

So we will continue to fill in the gaps the best that we can, and let our hearts and spirits do the talking.  And maybe if we just listen close enough, Aubrey will finally feel the freedom of being understood.