A Rant on Ignorance-Updated

I just got back from the doctors office where I had to have a quick blood test. What an experience.

Since I knew it wouldn't take long I just decided to take Aubrey with me rather than leave her with someone. We went back to the lab and waited for our turn. The waiting room was small, and there were a few other people there, also waiting. Aubrey was walking around a little, exploring the new place she was in. Finally she sat down and started emptying my purse. She was being good and quiet.

The nurse/lab technician who was sitting behind the desk, looks at Aubrey, looks at me, and asks (in front of everyone in the tiny waiting room)...

"Is your daughter a little bit autistic?"

Uuummmm, what?

I looked at her for a second and said "no". I didn't expound.

Then she says "Oh, 'cuz she kinda reminds me of my niece that is autistic."

Again, I was so stunned that I could hardly respond. I think I said "Well, she has some challenges but she is not autistic." I had my blood drawn, and we left. I cried all the way home.

First of all, I don't know you and you don't know me. What business do you have asking me about my child's abilities or lack there of, especially in front of an entire waiting room of strangers who can hear our conversation? She wasn't doing anything to anyone. All she did was walk around and smile at people then sit down on the floor to play.

Secondly, how is it supposed to make me feel as a mother when you compare my child to your autistic niece? Especially after I already told you that she does not have autism. Oh, that is just great. Thank you for making me feel so wonderful about my child's challenges.

Thirdly, don't ask that sort of question in front of my child. You may think she is stupid when you look at her, but she is a lot smarter than people give her credit for. She may not be able to talk but she understands SO much of what people say. And maybe she doesn't know what the word Autistic means right now, but that doesn't mean that it is right to call out her challenges in front of her face just because she looks and acts different then other kids. She doesn't deserve that.

And lastly, wouldn't a trained medical professional know better than to characterize every child with special needs as "autistic"? There are many children with autism, and the numbers are rising all of the time...but to spend less than five minutes observing a child like Aubrey and immediately characterizing her as "a little bit autistic" shows nothing but ignorance and stereotyping.

It is hard enough to deal with the fact that my child has mental and physical disabilities. It is damn hard, let me tell you. She can't talk and makes funny noises. She whines all day long because she doesn't know what else to do. She is wobbly on her feet and has to wear braces. She drools, and she pets peoples faces as if they were all puppies. She doesn't play with other kids much because they are all afraid of her. She will go to special ed. and ride the short bus. It's hard, ok? And I don't need stupid people saying rude and ignorant things to me and my child.

We've got enough on our plate right now as it is.

UPDATE*

I just recieved a comment of my facebook page from a friend who said "autism isn't a swear word", and that made me feel like I needed to clarify my post. What upset me the most about this situation was not neccessarily the fact that the woman asked me if Aubrey was autistic and said that she reminded her of an autistic niece. What botherd me was that she brought it up in the first place. I know that Aubrey is different and I am not trying to hide that from people, because I love Aubrey just the way she is. I just wish that when people looked at Aubrey for the first time they would notice something besides her weaknesses. It's not fair for her to be pointed out like that from a stranger. Aubrey is a person just like you and me, and she deserves respect. As a social worker I was taught that I shoud be non-judemental and have unconditional positive regard for everyone no matter if they are old, young, skinny, fat, white, black, catholic, jewish, typically developing or non-typically developing, etc. Autism is not a swear word. I have two nephews who was on the autism spectrum, and I know that they are magnificent children and I love them very much. But no one deserves to have their inabilties or weaknesses or differences thrown at them. If you think I am way off base with this then please comment and let me know.