I guess I haven't been posting as much lately. It's probably a result of being really busy (physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, Christmas shopping, young women's, cleaning, etc.) and being a little under the weather. I feel like no one in our house is ever healthy at the same time. The sickness just keeps going around and around, and this week was my turn with a cold that isn't so bad during the day but keeps me up all night long. No fun!
Yesterday I was on the phone with my brother and he asked me how I was doing. I said "Oh, ya know...whatever." He just laughed and said something like "That good, huh?" I've always been able to tell my brother the truth when he asks how I am. And the truth is that the only word I can think of to describe how I've been lately is "whatever".
I think things have been difficult with Bree lately. We go through our good weeks where I feel at peace with her challenges and my ability to deal with them, and we go through our bad weeks where I feel totally overwhelmed and uncertain. Unfortunately the past few weeks have been more of the latter.
Sometimes it just gets to be so much. So much therapy, and intervention, and correction. So much worry. So many questions. When will her braces get here so she can stand better? How can we teach her not bite everything and everyone. Why does she have compulsive behavior? When will I finally hear my baby say momma? How can I help her nap better?
I've gotten into a really toxic pattern of thought lately. I've been focusing so much on all of the hard things and doing the whole "Why can't something just be easy!" prayer. So in an effort to get myself out of this funk I am going to list as many things as I can, that make my life easy.
-I am able and blessed to stay home with Bree and give her all the support she needs.
-Bree is my only child so I don't have to spread myself thin or feel like I'm not meeting every one's needs.
-I have really great health insurance.
-I have really great health insurance.
-My husband is as involved as humanly possible in raising Bree.
-We have wonderful therapists who come to our home so I don't have to cart my 30 pound baby all over creation every week.
-Bree goes to bed at 6:30 and sleeps all night long.
-I have such supportive parents and in-laws close by who help us in so many ways.
-Aubrey's receptive language skills are very good, so she understands a lot more of my direction.
-Aubrey gives of her love so freely and frequently.
-I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers.
I guess the thing I need to remember right now, is that the times during which we are tested and tried, are also the times when we are blessed. I know that the Lord is stretching me in ways I never imagined He would. And even though everyday my prayers are focused on Aubrey's growth and progress, the Lord is helping me to grow and improve right along with her. And I am blessed.
5 comments:
You truly are blessed Megan :) I can't imagine the constant struggle you must be going through and from what you write are dealing with everything so well - better than I ever could. Luckily we know that one day we will find out the reasoning behind such trials and I know you will be eternally blessed and better from enduring like you have. Aubrey truly is blessed to have a mother who cares and is so concerned about her daughter. My prayers are with you.
hugs.
I always love reading your posts. It helps me realize it's okay that sometimes I get overwhelmed. And you give me ideas on how I can better deal. I have been having a hard time lately too... with balancing the two kiddos and their different stages, and moving, and trying to organize the house, and never seeing my husband. I honestly don't know how my mother had 9 kids and survived. (maybe that's why she is a little wacky ;)) But your list that makes your life easier makes me want to do the same thing. But hey! I guess we must be growing, otherwise everything would be easy. That means it should get better soon, I guess because we've grown! Anyways, sorry if this comment sounds like it's about me, I just want you to know that it really helped me today, to try to look beyond the hard stuff. I really hope things get better soon for you.
I'm sorry you are going through it. And I'm so sorry you are sick as well. We'll miss you tonight, but I understand. If you begin to feel better, please drop in.
I love you Megan! I think you are so great. I really do. I was talking to my visiting teaching companion last night about some of the challenges she went through in her past. She was telling me that after a nasty divorce with her first husband she was talking with her dad and saying that she felt like the last however many years were for nothing. What her dad said to her really struck me. He said to her, "you know if nothing else you learned you can get through it!" I know that story doesn't apply to you in the slightest, but I think sometimes with our trials we learn that we can get through it...and in your case your case you handle your trials with grace and strength...and you still maintain the ability to strengthen those around you! I hope I would do half as well!
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