Homesick

“Homesickness is. . . absolutely nothing. Fifty percent of the people in the world are homesick all the time. You don't really long for another country. You long for something in yourself that you don't have, or haven't been able to find.”

Well, it took about four and a half months...but I think I am homesick. I don't know why it's happening now. I'm sure there just wasn't any time to feel homesick during the summer. There were too many days spent at the pool, trips to the lake, and late afternoon walks I guess.

But tonight as I was preparing dinner, I realized that the feeling I've had in the pit of my stomach for the past week must be homesickness.

Homesick for what, I'm not sure? It couldn't be for my parents home. Even though I feel very at home there, I never lived in their current home. Could it be for that college apartment full of six girls and one bathroom? I don't think so. And certainly not Provo? No offense to lovers of Provo, but I was never a huge fan of P-Town.

And don't get me wrong. I love our new house so much. Inside these walls I feel more at home than I could ever have imagined.

What I think, is that perhaps I am homesick for a simpler time. I miss the times when life was only about school and boys. Or when Matt and I lived in a tiny basement apartment and spent our free time figuring out how to keep warm! Or those quiet moments sitting on my squishy couch in P-Town nursing my little baby girl.

And Maybe I'm homesick for my friends. Friends like Chelsea, who would pee her pants from laughing so hard when we were together. Or friends like Missy who went through pregnancy with me every step of the way (we literally gave birth about 2 weeks apart). And don't even get me started on friends like Melanie, who has seen me at my worst and best and still seems to love me anyway.

And maybe I'm homesick for a different Megan. Sometimes it seems that I can get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, and raising a child, and keeping house, and fulfilling callings, and pleasing everyone...that I start to forget about me. The Megan that loves to sing in the shower, and play games, and read books, and laugh, and hug people, and try new things. Sometimes I am homesick for her. And for the Megan I would like to become.

So I am sending hugs and love and happy energy to my lovely friends near and far. If you need me I'll be in the shower singing The Star Spangled Banner.