Since our recent move we've been in the process of getting Aubrey going with new physical therapists. So far we've found one therapist who comes to our home, and we LOVE her with a capital L. We've also found one that we hate with a capital H. And we won't be going there again.
The hardest part of starting fresh with new P.T.'s is all the evaluations. Obviously these people don't know where Aubrey is in terms of her development. So in order to make proper goals and figure out where to start ,they have to evaluate her. This is hard for me, because it's a reminder of how far behind she is. It's so much easier not to think about it!
You know those lists they have you check off at well-child visits? The ones where they ask you questions about your child's development and have you answer by circling yes, no, or sometimes? Well, I stopped filling those out a while ago. I mean why sit in the waiting room and make myself miserable while I circle no to every question, when her doctor already knows that Aubrey has hypotonia, right? I wish it were so easy with P.T. evaluations.
Basically how it works is the P.T. has a list of questions regarding gross motor, fine motor, speech, cognitive, and social skills. And she asks me the questions. And I have to answer out loud. It usually goes like this.
Does Aubrey crawl? No. Can she pull herself up into standing? No. Can she get from her tummy into a sitting position? No. Can she get from a sitting position to all four's? No. Does she say any words? No. Does she manipulate toys for their intended purpose? No. And so on.
Then every once in a while I can say yes. And boy do I say yes well. I practically shout it. YES! Aubrey can bare weight on her legs! YES! Aubrey can get from her tummy onto all four's! YES! Aubrey can feed herself finger foods! But the yes's are so short lived.
Then the test is scored and I am given Aubrey's equivalent age for development. And after I cry a bit (because it is worse than I thought) we make some goals together.
I wish that somewhere out there in the land of evaluations there was a test that allowed me to answer Yes for every question. I wish they asked me questions like this. Is Aubrey a happy child? Yes. Does she smile and laugh with you? Yes. Does she sleep well at night? Yes. Does she bring joy to those around her? Yes. Is she easy to please? Yes. Is she generally healthy? Yes. Is Aubrey in a loving home? Yes. Is she provided opportunities to learn and grow? Yes. Does she have fun? YES!
It may not be for a while, but I know that someday there will come a time when I can answer yes. And what a day it will be.
10 comments:
Megan- you made me cry! And you know what came to my mind as I read your post? i just thoguht that maybe you have a "no" answers for all those questions that you listed and maybe no one asks you those questions that you could say YES for... but Heavenly Father asks you those questions because those are the most important things that Aubrey need right now.That is the most important thing for him and for Aubrey that she's a sweet happy girl. And that she has loving parents who make her happy in her life. Parents who help and teach her about the truthfulness of the gospel so she will know that she has her Heavenly Father who loves her! She has her parents who want the best for her every time. Who'are taking care of her and love her with all their heart. I know God counts all these things even if no one else does. He loves you and knows how you feel. You're a wondeful mom! I always thought that!
You are an amazing woman, Megan! Aubrey is so blessed to have such a fighter for a mom. We love you guys.
in the grand scheme of things, I think you've nailed the ones that really matter most to Aubrey. Yes, she's happy and smiling and loved and adored and learning and growing. Progress in other areas will come and she'll catch up, but if you weren't providing those most important things now, she really would be hindered in her lifelong development. Keep your focus where it is and remember what you know: that Aubrey is happy and loved, and that's what matters most.
that sounds a little dictatorial: what I really want to say is that I think you're doing an amazing job of keeping your focus as a mother and remembering what is most important. I was really touched by this post.
You made me cry too! You are a great mom. Aubrey is so blessed to have such great parents!
do I love Aubrey and Megan? YES! :)
Megan, you are an incredible mom and Aubree is an incredible daughter. I think that you are handling things so well. I believe those last YES questions you wrote in your post are the ones that really matter. One day, you will be able to say yes to everything.
This was beautiful, Megan. Thank you for sharing yourself--even the really hard parts--with us.
Aw Megan, I got so touched with this post! I often times read your blog and grow to admire you more and more after each post I read! I agree with what Rachel said, that YOU nailed the IMPORTANT things! How many parents answer yes about all those "physical normality" questions but starve and beat their children, or prostitute them? KNow what I mean? I think Heavenly Father KNEW that YOU were the right mom to Aubrey, loving, caring, strong and sweet! A spirit like hers needed a mother like you! I learn so much from you! :)
hugs hugs!
You are an excellent and well involved parent. Aubrey was sent to your home because Heavenly Father knew she needed you to progress and develop in this life. What a blessing for you! I'll call you this week!
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