I started a gratitude journal about a week ago. I love it. I have written in it everyday since I got it. Sometimes I write a list of things I'm thankful for. Sometimes I write a story about something great that happened that day. It helps me to end each day and see beauty, success, and progress...in place of what I normally see at the end of each day, which is usually a mixture of frustration, exhaustion, and inadequacy.
But even though I am focusing more on the positive things in my life, I'm still struggling to find things about myself that I am grateful for. Yes, I am blessed. So.Very.Blessed. A stellar relationship with my husband, two awesome kids, all the material things, fanstastic extened family, etc. etc. So grateful.
But I still sit in the bath tub, and silently berate myself for all the unfinished projects. The 20 lbs I'm too lazy to lose. The times I raised my voice, or complained, or left the clean clothes in the dryer for days instead of putting them away.
And I'm starting to think to myself...hey! Stop it already! I'm turning 30 in a couple of weeks. And I am done with being mad at myself. DONE. I want 30 to be a year of love. A year of recognizing God's love for me. And for showing myself that I am worth loving.
I am worth loving, because I would move heaven and earth for my children. And some days it feels like that is exactly what I'm doing.
I am worth loving because I am a free thinker. Because I like to learn, and challenge my beliefs, and form opinions. And because passion is what drives me. And that's a good thing.
I am worth loving, because even thought I didn't put away the laundry...I washed it. And even though I didn't empty the dishwasher...I loaded it. And maybe I didn't clean up after dinner...but I made it. And it was good!
I am worth loving just as much now as I was 20 lbs ago. Because my smile is the same, my laugh is the same, and my heart is the same. My curly red hair still rocks. My body can make and nurse babies, can still love my husband, and can still climb a mountain.
Yeah.
Bring it on, 30. Me and my red hair are gonna kick your ass.
3 comments:
I love it Megan!! I need to do better at this myself. You are awesome and worthy of the best treatment (from others and yourself)!!
Love you Meg!! Really, you have left me a better person for having known you, and I'm grateful for your blog so I can keep gleaning your awesomeness.
Amen to what Rachel said. Anybody who knows you is a better person for knowing you. You are a true rock star.
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