Goodbye Stella

Yesterday, we had to say goodbye to our sweet dog Stella.

She got very sick on Monday.  She was throwing up all day long.  She wouldn't eat, and wasn't even keeping down water.  Now, Stella has always been prone to tummy troubles...so even though this was extreme, we figured she had just eaten something that really upset her tummy, and she would be better the next day.  Well, the next day she didn't get better.  She wasn't throwing up anymore, but she wasn't eating and she was shaking and shivering like she was in pain.

We knew things weren't good when she started hiding from us.  I sent her outside to go potty, and when I went to let her back in the house, she wasn't sitting on the back step like usual.  I opened the back door and looked out, and didn't see her anywhere.  I called and called and she didn't come.  Then all of a sudden I spotted her, curled up at the very back corner on the yard leaning against the fence.  I had to coax her into the house, and the rest of the day she kept going to unusual places in the house to sleep.  The shaking continued.

So, after a visit to the emergency vet clinic, and further testing with our regular vet, we found that Stella had a severely infected/inflamed gall bladder, and a blocked duct in her liver.  The problems were not only fatal without surgery,  but they were also causing her a great deal of pain.  Because the surgery would cost thousands of dollars, and could not guarantee full health for Stella, we had to make the tough choice to put her down.

I have to say, even though it was a gut wrenching and devastating experience...we had a very tender and beautiful goodbye.  Aubrey said goodbye to Stella before we took her to the vet for tests (we feared the worst).  Matt's mom came and watched the kids while we went to say goodbye to Stella.

Stella was on some pretty good pain meds, so she was really excited to see us when we got to the vet clinic.  We took her outside, let her go potty, and walked around the grassy areas to let her sniff.  We sat with her in the shade, and held her and cried and cried.  We thanked her for being such a good dog, for loving Aubrey, and for being so patient.  We told her we were sorry she suffered and how much we loved her and would miss her.  We gave her a treat.  We took a few pictures, and went inside.

We held her while they gave her the shot, and she was gone before they were even done putting it in.  She went so fast and gently.  They left us alone with her for as long as we wanted.  So we held her some more, and we rubbed her head, and we let the full weight of her not being there anymore rest with us until we were ready to leave.  We took off her collar, said one last goodbye, and came home.

Things feel so different without her around.  It's strange.  After 4 years, we've grown used to the sounds of her collar jingling and her claws clicking on the tile floor.  We've grown used to letting her out and in, picking up poop, filling her food and water dish.  I made a turkey sandwich for lunch today, and I got so sad when she didn't come running into the kitchen at the sound of me opening the package of lunch meat.  We miss the way she camped out under the kids seats during meal times, and the way she stared at us until we invited her up the sit on the couch with us.  And who will go with me on my evening walks?

Stella really was very much a part of this family.  We miss her so much.  And the only peace we find, is in knowing that she isn't suffering anymore.  And in the hope that somewhere she is chasing birds and eating bacon :-)