Have you ever stopped to consider what a gift it is to be able to speak? To communicate your thoughts, feelings, frustrations, joy, or pain? Stop and think about the things your kids say. What they want to eat, wear, do. What they dreamed about at night. Questions, questions, questions. What they did at school, who their friends are, who hurt their feelings, what things they love or hate. How they feel, physically.
Sometimes I forget. I forget how much Aubrey sacrifices in her inability to speak. Usually it takes something like her being sick to remind me. Those are the times I wish the most that she could tell me how she feels, what helps and doesn't help. What I can do to help her feel better. We do a lot of non-verbal communication, but it only goes so far.
This usually results with me giving her a dose of Tylenol just in case she hurts. Letting her take an extra long bubble bath at bedtime, because there is nothing a bubble bath can't cure. Sitting outside her bedroom and listening to her cough, wondering if I should go in and give her a drink of water or just let her sleep. I check her teeth everyday to see if any of them are loose. I have her wear slippers in case her feet are cold. I slather her with lotion in case her skin feels dry and itchy. I try to cover my bases, I try to think of everything, I guess a lot and hope that I'm not missing something.
Sometimes I think about how challenging life is for Aubrey, how much she misses out on, and I wonder how she ever smiles or laughs. But she does. A lot! She is teaching me an awful lot.
I struggle with faith. After almost 6 years of life with a special needs child, it's hard not to. But I hope. I hope that someday when this life is over she will sit down and tell me everything. I hope she will tell me every time that she was happy, or sad. Her favorite memories. I hope she will tell me about the times when I messed up, when she was mad at me, or when we got things right.
And most of all...I hope she will tell me that we did enough.
5 comments:
Just beautiful Meggie. I sure look up to you a whole lot!
You are such an amazing mom!
Love this post! It's a good reminder for me when I tell Spencer I need a break from all the questions...And, the first thought that popped into my head when I read about her amazing smile is that she knows you are doing everything right, and perfect. Your love and concern for her shines through that smile each day!
Love this.
So sweet. I don't pretend to know exactly how it is for you, but I can relate on some level. L and M didn't talk for a REALLY long time, and, honestly, still don't really have conversations with me like "normal" kids would. I like to think that someday, after this life, we will have the kind of conversations I wish we could now. I'm hoping that they will forgive me for the times I wasn't the perfect mom, and will be grateful for the times I did okay. I'm guessing that Aubrey will do that, too, for you.
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