What Works For Me

Lately I've been thinking a lot about motherhood.  Parenthood, really.  I think it's because I recently made a super brilliant, life altering, mind blowing (read the sarcasm, people) discovery.  And it is this.

I can do my own brand of mothering.  All I have to do...is what works for me, and my kids.  That's all.

I can't believe it took me 5 and a half years to come up with this bit of wisdom.

It seems like there are all different styles of parenting...and everyone has an opinion about which is the best.  Some believe attachment parenting is the only way.  Sleep with your child, nurse them until they go to kindergaten, wear them everywhere you go!  Others tout a more "Baby-Wise" approach.  Set a schedule, let them cry, only feed every 3 hours...and no more!  I find that I fall somewhere in the middle.  I want the best of both worlds.  And that's ok.

I came to this conclusion a couple of weeks ago.  Charlie, who had started making real progress with his night time sleep, had a few really bad nights in a row.  One night he woke up just as Matt and I were going to bed.  In frustration Matt said "just let him cry".  To which I replied, "That just doesn't work for me."  When he asked me why, I said "Well, I think he could be getting a new tooth.  And he hasn't pooped yet today, so I should check his diaper.  And the last time I let him cry for a while, when I finally went in his room he had soaked through his diaper and was totally wet and cold."

I went into his room, picked him up with his blankie and binkie and rocked him back to sleep.  As I sat with him in the rocking chair, and listened to his sweet little breathing, I realized how good it felt to say "That just doesn't work for me."  It was like a weight had been lifted off my parental shoulders.  I felt free.  Free from the concern about what others say.  Free from the opinions that everyone shares about the "right" way to do things.  Free from my own fear that I might not be doing things the way I "should".  And I received a confirmation that the things I was feeling were right.

Here is the thing.  We don't have a cookie cutter family...and we never will.  Our oldest child has special needs.  There is a five year gap between our children.  And if things keep progressing the way they are, Charlie will quickly surpass his older sister developmentally.  No child is the same.  No mother is the same.  No family is the same.  So how can we expect other people to parent the same way?

So this week, those words have been rolling around in my head.  And every time there was a moment where I had to make a parental decision, I asked myself "What works for me?  What feels right?  What will bless our family the most, in this moment?"  If I'm telling the truth, I can say that this has been one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life as a mother.  And I think that was reflected in the overall mood/tone in our home this week.

It turns out that when I parent in a way that "works for me", instead of worrying about what a book/ friend/ television personality says I should do...It's easier to discover what works for all of us.  That's what I call parental success.

Now, where's my raise?!