For the most part, I feel that I (we?) have made peace with Aubrey's challenges/differences. To us she is just Aubrey. And we are so used to who she is, and find so much beauty in who she is that we aren't phased by the things that make her different from other children. We know her, and love her as she is. But some times, some days, it's as if my heart cracks wide open and out pours all the sadness, pain, and fear that often accompanies the heart of a mother with a special needs child. And when that happens, it is powerful enough to knock me off my feet.
Sometimes I wonder if that will ever go away completely. Will there ever come a time when I won't mourn for the opportunities that she misses, or feel pain for the lack of communication? Will I ever be able to suppress the crippling anxiety I have when I think too hard about her future? I don't want to have these days of intense pain. Even though they don't happen often...I wish they would never happen at all.
But through it all, Aubrey remains the same bright beam of sunshine that she has always been. That is how I always find my way out of the darkness.
2 comments:
Her smile lights up a whole building!! I love seeing that girls face, she makes me feel so special just by smiling at me. You are an amazing mother to her!
I heard the term "mother heart" the other day (can't remember where...possibly on here, I suppose *shrug*) and it totally reminds me of you. It's the fierce, loving, anxious, loyal, worrying heart that only a mother has. You are always a true example of a mother heart at it's best.
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