I was pregnant. For a little while. And for that little while, I was happier than I have been in a very long time. I emailed a picture of the positive test to Matt with the caption "We finally did it!" I scheduled my first doctors appointment, got my maternity clothes out of storage, and found my books on pregnancy and child birth. I started scouring the internet for an affordable bassinet. Matt started planning out how we were going to rearrange the rooms, and where the baby would go. We told Aubrey that there was a baby (or two) growing in Mommies belly, and that she would be a big sister. We told our parents. And in every prayer we gave thanks for the new life growing inside of me.
And then, I wasn't pregnant anymore.
But. For a while, I was. And even though the loss has been terribly devastating, I have to admit that during that time, a new light found its way into my heart. A light that burned of hope and possibility. A small flame that prompted me to remember my calling as a mother, and to comprehend again the gift that is womanhood.
The light is dim, but it remains.
And so, I am thankful. I am thankful for Aubrey. I am thankful to hold her in my arms, and kiss her sticky cheeks, and smell her sweet breath. I am thankful to be reminded of the sacred task it is to be her mother. And I am thankful for the short taste of hope we were given. And for the reassurance that we can't and won't ever give up hope.
22 comments:
Megan- I am so sorry. Truly sorry. Keep hold of that little piece of hope you have, it makes life bearable in the midst of it all.
Oh Megan, my heart aches for you. I'm so glad that there is still a light of hope in your heart. You are such a strong woman.
I don't know much what to say but that I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you. I agree so much with what you say- that hope is a blessing and it can keep you going.
Megan, I am sooooo sorry. That is seriously my worst nightmare. To be able to have what you most want then have it taken away. You are so strong to still have hope. And hopefully this is a good sign that the Clomid is working and will work again.
I can't read this and not let you know that I read it, and I feel for you. I am so glad that you are strong and that you still have hope. Hope is truly an amazing blessing. I say this, because I have to wait a year after my stupid thing, so my hope has been put on hold. So, in the meantime, I will transfer my hope to you.
Dear Megan!
I'm so sorry what happened. You are truly a wonderful woman whi is so strong. I'm still praying for you guys. Love you!
You're an inspiration Megan. During a challenging time for me you're an amazing example of faith and hope. I hope your heart's desire is fulfilled soon and that in the meantime you can find joy and peace in the sweet blessings around you. May God send many many blessings your way!!
Your post touched my heart, even more because it was written on December 6th... 3 years ago to the day that I experienced a miscarriage.
For me it was one of the hardest trials of my life but also one I would not have changed because of what I learned and how I grew. I pray that hope continues to burn brighter and brighter for you and that you feel the love of our Savior in greatest abundance this holiday season as we celebrate His birth. {{{HUGS}}}
You have been in my prayers ever since I read of your trial a while back. I am sorry to hear of your miscarriage recently. But I am so glad that you are holding on to that light. Hold on tight. You are a strong women! You will continue to be in my prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. Personally I have not experienced that kind of loss...but I have experienced another kind of loss and I know the hurt you must feel. I am glad that you expressed your thankfulness and your hope...because without hope we have nothing! Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and we just need to be patient. That is what I learned from my loss.
Oh Megora..... I got the chills just reading this post. Because you are so strong and continue to amaze me. I am glad to know after such a devastating thing that you are still holding on to the light. Good for you Megan. I will keep you in my prayers.
Oh sweetie...I am so, so sorry. I wish I could just bring you a big ol' pot of soup and give you a huge hugs. My heart just hurts for you. I'm so glad there's a little bit of a silver lining with all the pain.
Megan, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you know you are one very strong and inspiring woman.
My heart just sunk as I started reading this. You and Matt have gone through so much and I admire your strength and faith through it all.
Yay for hope!!
Love you!
-Ash
you put it so beautifully....I am inspired...as always when I read your blog. Hold on to that faith and hope....Here's my favorite quote for you:
"There have been, and will be times in each of our lives when such faith must be the bottom line: We don't know what is happening to us, or around us, but we know that God loves us...and that, for the moment, is enough."
-Elder Maxwell
HUGS!
Megan, I'm so sorry. I'm glad that you're hanging in there and staying positive. Love you Meg!
Megan, I'm so sorry. I know what a horrible feeling it is to start planning for a new little baby one moment and the next to not be. It sounds like you have a great perspective on it. You are an amazing Mom, to Aubrey and the other wonderful souls waiting to come to your cute family. Hang in there :)
I'm so sad for what you are going through right now! But, I'm happy that you still have hope. You'll be in my prayers!
Megs, I love You! You inspire me and you truly are an amazing woman and mother! I am truly sorry for you and Matt. But I love your insight.For all the trials you guys are going through you see through the mist and see the possibilities ahead. All our love Katy & Scott
I'm so sorry, sweetie. I'm sending all my good vibes your way. May you continue to heal.
Megan, my prayers go out to you. I hope things are improving day by day.
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