But there was only one line. And you know what they say. One is the loneliest number.
And really, what else is there to say? I know what people want me to say. I should say, I know it's only the first round of clomid, it may take a little longer. Don't worry, we'll try again next month. Lots of people struggle with infertility. It takes some people several years. I know, I know, I know!
But maybe you don't know. Maybe you don't know, that every time I see that single solitary line on that damn pregnancy test, my heart breaks a little. And maybe you don't know what it's like to be so consumed by this desire that it is the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing you think of when you close your eyes at night. Maybe you don't know what it feels like when 5 of your friends announce their pregnancies the same week you start your period. Maybe you don't know what it's like to be a salve to the calendar. Or a slave to those little pink lines
But I know. And I am just sad.
16 comments:
And you have every right to be sad!
I learned through our fertility issues that not only was it okay for me to mourn the loss of a cycle but that I needed to do that in order to heal and move on to the next one.
{{{HUGS}}}
I am soo sorry! Keep your head held high! Susan (my sister) could probably tell you my story sometime later about my youngest - but I will tell you that the Lord does have your best interests in mind, he is very mindful of you and love you! Great things will come! I promise!
I'm so sorry megs! I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know it probably just hurts... but it will fade... Here is a hug from me!!
Love ya!
-Ash
Ugh, I'm with you sister. After I used up my last box of pregnancy tests 6 months ago, I decided not to buy another test until I had actually missed my period by 2 days. And I haven't, because that has never happened. Seeing the pregnancy test failures month after month just seemed like such a huge slap in the face. And I understand the Clomid thing - my first month on Clomid I just KNEW that would be the month, and all we needed was a little medicine and everything would be better and I wasn't really broken. Ha, how wrong I was! Ditto on the grieving thing as well. Don't let anyone rush you on it.
I'm so sorry, Megan. Nothing else to say.
Susan
I'm sorry Megan, I really am. And though I really don't really know how you feel, because I'm not you... I understand. I used to cry every time that I only saw one line when I was trying to get pregnant with my first. When I just knew I was pregnant I never was. But then after months and months, when I knew for sure that I was not... I ended up being. It'll come. He/She will come. :o)
I'm feeling sad along with you, Megan. We love you!
I know what you mean being so consumed. I'm awaiting a different sort of test, and I go to sleep thinking about the results, wake up with them, and basically just eat sleep and drink the phone call due any day which will determine whether I have something major or minor happening in my body... Best wishes.
I'm sad with you too....I want it to happen for you guys! Let me know if I can do anything!
I'm so sorry, sweetie. I'm just so sorry.
I hear that swearing and throwing a chair across the room helps...
Hugs to you!
You are in my prayers sister.
Hang in there Megan. It's hard, it's okay to be sad/angry/confused.
i admit i have no clue what you are going through or how exactly it feels. but i'm sad to know you are hurting and my heart breaks along with you.
I'm so sorry Megan. My heart broke a little bit reading your post. Our situation is a little different, but I understand. It's part of the reason I've not blogged in almost a year. I just don't have the heart for it. The only person I've really talked to this about is Natasha. I understand the month after month thing though. Love you!
Stefanie
BTW. . .do you have more fertility posts on your other blog? B/c. . .I don't have access to that. . .just putting that out there. . .
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