Words For 2010

I have been thinking a lot about my hopes and dreams for this new year. That is probably an understatement. I have been stewing, contemplating, meditating, etc. for weeks. On Tuesday night Matt and I went out to dinner with the adults in his family, and during our 25 minute drive to the restaurant I tried to articulate all of the things I have been feeling. I recited quotes and song lyrics, I named people who inspire me, I talked about recipes and paint colors and undiscovered talents.

He listened, and despite my messy and unorganized thoughts, he understood. He is wonderful that way. But how to say it clearly? That has had me stumped for days. So today I decided to try and break it down into a few words that I think express my New Year dreams. This is what I came up with.

Diverse
I have always loved reading. For as long as I can remember. I once considered myself well read, but since becoming a mother I have found myself in a rut of popular novels. Not that there's anything wrong with that (name that show). But I am bored and I want to be more challenged. I want to read classic authors like Charles Dickens, Louisa May Alcott, Emerson, and Tolstoy. Even authors who make me a little uncomfortable like William Faulkner and Dostojevski. I also want to read more non-fiction...gospel books, biographies, history, etc. One of my greatest fears is losing my intellectual skills just because I'm a stay at home mom. I want to keep learning. I want to be smart.

Confident
It is one of the traits I admire most in people, but one that I struggle with a great deal. I am a strong woman. A smart woman. It is time to let my light shine.

Fearless
In 2009 I hiked the Grand Canyon from rim to rim. What, you hadn't heard that? Well, let me say it again. I hiked the Grand Canton from rim to rim. In one day! It was something I thought I would never, could never do. But I did it and it was amazing. And now I can do anything, right? I could take a sewing class, I could take Zumba, I could become a vegetarian, I could have another baby...the possibilities are endless. I want to be fearless in everything I do. Life is just more fun that way.

Colorful
Once upon a time I used to wear yellow. And it made me happy. I want more color in my life. In my clothes, my home, my makeup. Color is a good thing.

Genuine
I think what this all comes down to is being more of my true self. Not putting up appearances, or worrying about what others might think of me. Not worrying about pleasing others as much as doing what really makes me happy. Embracing my naturally curly red hair, really loving my friends and my family, playing the "in the bathtub" game during a boring sacrament meeting, snorting when I laugh, loving my stubby toes, listening to lady gaga if I'm in the mood, not wearing makeup to the grocery store if I don't feel like it. In short, I just want to find more joy in being me. Cause I'm pretty cool.