(Photo taken the day we brought Stella home)-We have only lived in this house for a little over a year...and we really like it. Yet I find myself looking for houses online almost every day.
-In May we bought a puppy with only one days consideration.
-I check for part-time jobs on craigslist at least weekly.
-I have been considering coloring my hair for the first time in my life...
Why do I do these things? Today I had a breakthrough.
My life, for the most part, is the same day in and day out...with slight variations. But I keep looking for change. The real change I am looking for is in the form of a child who stops screeching and starts speaking. A child who learns to go potty on the toilet, enjoys playing with toys, and stops drooling through three shirts a day, for crying out loud. The change I seek is for the ability to take my daughter to the children's museum and watch her play and explore and learn. Or for play dates where the other kids aren't scared of Aubrey. To hear my child call me Momma.
But I can't change those things. I just can't. So instead I call realtors about houses we have no intention of buying, I write resumes for jobs I will never really apply for, I plan vacations we won't take for ten years, and I dream of being a brunette.
Because sometimes it's nice to feel like I have control over something. Even if it's just an illusion.
5 comments:
Never never never color your hair! It's gorgeous, and the envy of a lot of women in our ward.....I feel you on the change, however, mine is opposite of yours, wanting to stay home and do the same thing day in and out, instead of packing up my man, and taking him to work, and then counting the minutes til we are home again! Life is hard, but hopefully we can find little things everyday to get us through..
Agreed, don't touch hair dye to your hair! You have the prettiest hair color ever. I hope you can find a change that makes you happy. I also think that all of those changes you want Aubrey to make will come in time. Look at how far she has come! You are such a good mom. She is lucky to have you!
You do what you have to to get through each day. She has come so far- someday Aubrey will thank you for all you do for her.
I know our challenges are a lot different, but I could completely relate to you in this post. I do stuff like that all the time, probably trying to seek some kind of control over things, and it's really hard for me to come back to reality and feel that I am where the Lord wants me, doing the things he wants me to do. You are an amazing mommy, and by the way, I too love your hair color! But i also understand the whole change thing... In my opinion doing things with my hair is a great way to get a sense of control over things. Whether it's a hair cut or dye...if it turns out great, great...if not...it will grow back and be a great story in the end!
Good luck!
Like Mrs. S, I think all us mommies can relate in a lot of ways. I find myself constantly looking for change often too.
No matter what you do and why you do it, you're seriously one of the best moms I know megan. seriously. I always feel so uplifted, amused, or just understood when I read your blog. Thanks so much for that.
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