You may or may not know this about me (although, chances are if you read this blog then you do) but I am an emotional person. Now, this doesn't mean that I am constantly crying or throwing huge fits...it just means that I'm in touch with my emotions. And I don't hide them very well. You can pretty much tell how I am feeling at any given point in time just by looking at me or hearing the tone of my voice. This has been helpful and hurtful to me at different times in my life. But for better or worse...that's me.
Another truth, is that it is nearly impossible for me to talk about Aubrey without crying. Just last week my friend Melanie and her family came over for lunch and a visit. And sure enough, Melanie couldn't escape without me bursting in to tears while we were chatting about Bree. That wasn't so bad because she knows me and has known Aubrey her whole life. But really, it's kind of embarrassing when it happens around people I don't really even know that well.
When Bree started P.T. in Provo...I cried several times. Every time she sees a specialist...I cry. I've cried in front of her current physical therapist, her speech therapist, and today I cried in front of her occupational therapist and the intern she brought along. I don't even think I can count the times I've cried over the phone with my mom while talking about Aubrey.
Whenever this happens it always makes me feel so silly and embarrassed. I'm always afraid that people will get the wrong impression and think that I am just totally depressed and hopeless when it comes to Aubrey, and that isn't the case.
The truth is that I love Aubrey more than I ever knew I could or would. She is my whole world, the focus of my entire day, the core of all my prayers, and the source of so much joy in my life. And the truth is, that it is hard to have a child with disabilities. Being the parent to a child with a disability brings with it so much love, patience, triumph, and faith. It also bring challenges, uncertainty, frustration, and lots of hard work. Put all those things together and you have the perfect recipe for a good cry.
I guess what I'm getting at with this post, is that if you ever happen to be on the receiving end of one such cry, just know that I am ok. We are getting through, we are full of hope, and we are taking it one day at a time. Just like so many parents, all we want is the best life we can give our little one.
5 comments:
I love sincerity! It is sure refreshing when you find someone who is so in touch with their emotions. That is why I love your blog so much.
I think it's great! One of my favorite talks is by Sister Nadal (The joy of Womanhood) when she said "We have enough women who are tough, we need women who are tender". I'm really emotional too, though I tend to burst into tears when I'm angry. I agree with Megan too. Your emotions make your blog so ... in touch!
I do the same thing when I talk about Maisy. Last week at my brother-in-laws reception, a stranger asked about Maisy and I burst into tears. It made my,"she's doing really well," sound insincere and untrue. Oh, well take me or leave me, I am who I am.
Thanks for your honesty, we're kindred.
I love that you are so open with your feelings happy or sad. I think you help a lot of people that way. This may not be the post to comment, but I truly loved your "Christmas eve eve" post. I laughed so hard. I also read it to Taylor. That is so great you got to go to the roof. I will get there some day!
Ahh... the countless tears we've shared. And I've loved them all. True emotions help others more than you know. That sounded like a fortune cookie... so let me just say that I never mind the chance to be the shoulder. It's just in return for all the times I've done the same to you!
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