I know, I know. She looks so innocent, right? Well, looks can be deceiving! If I could use one word to describe Aubrey's behavior as of late, it would be defiant. Aubrey has really gotten to a phase in her cognitive development where she is starting to understand that there are some things she should and shouldn't do. And she doesn't like it one bit. And she is testing me. And she is throwing tantrums. And I don't like it one bit.
I think the most frustrating part about all of this is that I just don't know how to handle it. On one hand I want to applaud and cheer for Aubrey when she climbs the stairs...because it took her a really long time to learn how to do it, and I'm really proud of her. On the other hand, she has to know that she can't climb the stairs all day long because I don't have time to follow her up every time and make sure she doesn't tumble down.
On one hand I am thrilled that she is curious about everything around her, but she also has to know that she can't pull all of the papers off of the desk or all of my makeup out of the bag. How can I encourage her curiosity and physical exploration while simultaneously setting appropriate boundaries for her?
Tonight Aubrey was throwing a tantrum about something and I tried the whole "Aubrey, if you calm down and stop crying I will pick you up" bit. I think I said it about 3 times, and then I just picked her up even though she was still screaming. *sigh* I think I'm about as consistent as Jello.
Well, I guess if I draw from my experience as a parent advocate I would probably say I needed to choose my battles. Pick a few things that I'm not willing to budge on...and be very consistent about not allowing that behavior. Then I can be a little bit more relaxed with the other stuff that just doesn't matter as much.
Any suggestions for dealing with tantrums?
12 comments:
Tantrums are a regular part of my life so I feel your pain! The one bit of advice I'll give is to remove Aubrey's temptations. Put a baby gate on the stairs, keeps papers, makeup, etc. up high so she can't reach. But then designate a few areas (like a kitchen cupboard with tupperware or a drawer with wooden spoons and spatualas) as areas that she's allowed to get into and destroy. If you can remove the problem areas there's less to fight about. And be consistent. About a year ago Reese started throwing tantrums, being defiant, etc. etc. Joey and I have tried to be extremely consistent in our reaction to his behavior. A full year later, we're just now starting to feel the benefits of our consistency. It works, but you have to be patient! Good luck.
We're still working on this very thing every single minute, uh... I mean day ;-D It can be tough, that's for sure.
My cousins have a "soft stair" set in their playroom - it'looks like something you'd see at a baby gym. (for some reason I can't think of the proper name, sorry!) It's like hard foam stairs covered with nylon or something. . .anyway, it's a 4-way stair (imagine a pyramid-type thing, kind of like the storytime place at the library but upside down) so their baby can go up and down the 3 stairs over and over but they don't have to worry if he falls because the soft mat will cushion him. Wow, re-reading that I realize it was so not helpful. Sorry.
Anywho, "Kowskie" is fine, thank you!
My sister-in-law says, "I can't hear you when you're whineing" when her kids throw tantrums or start to whine. It works really well for them and we've been doing it w/ Evie, too. She's in the same stage as Aubrey at the moment, and I just talk to her about it. One day she'll understand me, but at least we are getting into the routine that if she wines or throws a fit, she doesn't get what she wants.
Ahhh...tantrums. They stink big time. It is so much easier to just give in, but I know parents cant do that. With Madelyn I try to ignore the tantrums. It's funny sometimes because I'll ignore the tantrum until she calms down and sometimes when she is in the middle of one and I ignore her and walk past her or something she'll get up, follow me to whatever room I went to, and then throw herself down and start with the tantrum again. I have to try not to laugh when that happens. I totally agree with choosing your battles and being consistent. I think that's the key...I hope.... I know this though, our pool cover (which is a safety cover that you can drive a car onto...) is off limits. We never had a problem with it because it was always a "no no". My sister came into town and her two boys started playing on the cover while we were cutting wood and none of us really did anything because we were so busy and knew the cover was safe. How I've regretted that! It's more than a month later now and finally Maddy is starting to stay off the cover again. Be consistent! Otherwise you pay for it. I just wish it was easier.
Oh man, I wrote this nice long comment and then blogger had an error. I hate that. Long story short, I totally agree with choosing your battles and being consistent. I tend to ignore M's tantrums (i'll just walk past her and go on with life as normal) and give the attention when she's over it. That seems to work. I know my sil said (with her 2nd daughter who had really bad tantrums) then when she was a bit older (between 2 and 3 I think) and she started in on a tantrum that she would take her and put her in another bedroom and tell her to come out when she calmed down. She said that worked well for them. Sometimes M throws tantrums out of frustration (usually due to communication issues like me not understanding what she wants) and when that happens I usually sit down with her and hold her head gently so she has to look at me and ask her what she wants, offering suggestions until we find a solution. For me those tantrums are different because she is trying to communicate but can't. You're a fantastic mom, so I'm sure you'll do great!
Oh now wouldn't you know blogger published both comments now...sigh... :)
A big thing that has helped me is I really try to take Quincey's personality into consideration. Each child is going to react to different forms of discipline completely different. For example one might react well to spanking and never do it again, but another personality (like Quincey who is absolutely fearless...) needs a bomb to drop before he will follow directions. So, I know it is not much of an advice, but I think it is just good to remember that you might have to try lots of different things until you can understand what her personality reacts to. But i think you are right picking your battles is definitely key. Now if Geren and I could only pick the same battles ;)
Tantrums are such a hard thing to deal with, but I think the thing that worked best for me was to redirect her behavior, if Gabby was pulling stuff out of a drawer I didn't want her to mess with, I'd tell her no and then take her and put her in front of something she was allowed to mess with (the tupperware cupboard in the kitchen was always a good one). If I couldn't avoid a tantrum I would get right down eye level to her calm her down until I could talk to her rationally (or as rationally as you can with a toddler). If that didn't work sometimes I had to take her and put her in her room until she calmed down by herself. It's so hard, but you can do it!
Oh Megan, I'm sorry. What amazes me is that you wonder where they learn how to throw tantrums. When Jonah would do it I knew he had older cousins, but we didn't see them throw many tantrums. I just remember wondering how does he know to throw himself on the floor and start screaming. Yikes. I think all the advice you've gotten is good and I've tried lots of these things. I think one of the best ones is giving her a place that is hers to mess up. Jonah and Wyatt had a drawer with all my measuring cups and spoons. Yes, I did loose quite a few measuring cups when Wyatt learned about the garbage can, (at least that is where I think they went) but what's a few dollars for more sanity, right?
Oh megora. Your little once is at a hard age. It is inbetween the "your so innocent I can't get mad and the time out stage". Let me tell you the time out stage and the "you can come out of your room when your happy" stage are fabulous. I don't know what to tell you honestly. Kenzi is 2 now and is FINALLY getting it! Just hang in there. If you figure out what helps, let me know so I can try it on Brooke when she gets to Aubree's age!
(((hugs))) oh honey, you know I know where you're coming from! You have lots of good advice so far. I'm a big fan of the "I can't hear you when you're whining" line and of redirection, expecially w/little ones Aubrey's age. I know w/Ezra, it helps when I speak to him calmly and evenly, since one of his big problems is just learning how to deal w/his own emotions. Georgia, on the other hand, could care less about my tone of voice *shrug*. One other bit of advice-sometimes just let them throw the tantrum. You don't have to be there while they're doing it though. Let them scream and yell all they want-walk away, continue doing the dishes, walking around the store, etc. Just act like business is usual and sometimes business does become usual again. Good luck!
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