I'm not gonna lie. The past few days have been a little less than pleasant. For some reason, my body is not functioning at full capacity. And everyday by 4:00 pm I feel like my back is going to break right in half. Bending down, picking up, carrying around, and generally caring for Bree has been challenging me to my very limits.
When I was pregnant with Aubrey, before we knew about the challenges she would face in life, Matt gave me a priesthood blessing. And in it I was cautioned to take good care of my body, so that I could care for my child to the best of my ability. And now here I am with a 27 pound child that isn't walking, and is just learning to crawl. It's hard. And my body is definitely feeling it.
On top of that, Bree seems to be very sensitive lately. She's getting into everything, and the slightest correction or punishment from either Matt or I will send her into a fit like her whole world is coming apart.
And remember how I was singing praises about Aubrey doing well with the one-nap schedule? Never mind. Seems like she would prefer the no-nap-cry-and-be-miserable-all-day schedule.
So I guess what I'm getting at is that nothing has ever tested my patience like motherhood. Have I ever mentioned that patience doesn't happen to be a strength of mine? Not yet anyway.
Today it all came to a head. I don't know of any other job where a person can spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week trying to do the best they can and make the right choices, and yet feel that all their work has been in vain. Sometimes it seems that even my best efforts are fruitless. And when the day is done and I still have a very cranky, irritable, exhausted child I wonder what I could have done better that day. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. There is no guilt as powerful as a mother's guilt.
So today after a nice long cry, and blessings for both Bree and I, Matt kissed me goodbye and took Aubrey to his parents house for the evening so I could have a break.
I love that man.
And tomorrow will be better.
Right?
7 comments:
i think those feelings you're describing are totally normal, megan... at least i hope they are, because i have them too! my sassy little kya tests my patience like nothing else ever has (and i, like you, don't count patience as my greatest natural strength). but you're right, i think. tomorrow will be better, or if it's not, maybe the next day will be. good luck.
holy smokes you've just described how i've been feeling. every mother deserves a much needed break every once in awhile. i hope yours helped. i wish you the best tomorrow but just know that others out there are experiencing those feelings as well :)
Megan-please call me. Believe me when I say I understand. All of it. You aren't alone and everyone needs help,just to get through the day. Not only does it feel in vain, but it is often undone in less time than it took to fix it (the nap thing for instance.) Why doesn't Aubrey come play at our house Tuesday morning.
Neal came home from his drill weekend today and said to me, "hey, you know what 'stressed' spelled backwards spells" No, I said. "Dessert. So when you're 'stressed' eat 'dessert'. This is a link to my friends blog who swears she just found the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe. If I lived close I'd make them for you...but you know. Once a visiting teacher, always a visiting teacher. Love ya!
http://www.jolleypress.blogspot.com/
Hang in there Megan, this sounds like a pretty typical phase of motherhood, it will pass.
"You can't possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you...Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever."
-Jeffrey R. Holland
Aubrey is so lucky to have such a great Mommy.
nothing like a break to make everything better.. That is so great! Hope you can enjoy it.
I'm glad you were able to get a little alone time. All of your hard work is definitely not gone unnoticed or unappreciated, I'm sure. Good luck with this week.
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