So, Aubrey hasn't gained any weight in a really long time (we'll find out for sure at her 9 month appointment tomorrow). This is worrisome, but I haven't worried about it too much because 1)she doesn't act like she's hungry, and 2)I already have plenty to worry about. She eats 3 times a day. For breakfast she east oatmeal cereal enriched with formula and a serving of fruit. For lunch she eats a serving of veggies and 1/2 serving of fruit, and juice diluted with water. For dinner she eats oatmeal cereal again and a serving of veggies. In addition she nurses about 5 times a day.
Lately though, Bree has had a really tough time nursing. She has been biting me like crazy (which is not fun with her new teeth!), and she is SO distracted by everything and anything. She wants to play with my hair or my shirt or her hair or WHATEVER! If Matt is in the room, she won't eat. If there is a noise outside, she won't eat. I've been sticking with it in hopes that it's a phase she'll get through...and hoping that she is really getting enough of what she needs.
Well today was kind of a sad day for me. Bree was having a particularly tough time nursing all day. It was frustrating for both of us! By about 4 this afternoon she was hysterical. So I decided to just give her some formula. I mixed some in her sippy cup and she promptly drank the whole thing, and after that she was so happy!
This made me feel bad for several reasons.
1) She was probably starving and I was holding out giving her formula
2) Because I felt like she didn't need me as much anymore
3) Because she would calm down and focus while she drank from her cup, but wouldn't calm down for nursing
4) Because I felt like maybe it's my fault she hasn't been gaining weight because I assumed that she was getting enough from me
*sigh*
Why do I feel so many emotions when it comes to nursing my baby? It is so important to me and I want to do it for us both. Does it make sense to feel a sense of rejection when she shows disinterest in nursing, or am I overreacting? I've always said that it will be nice when she doesn't nurse anymore because then I'll have more freedom, but after just giving her formula one time I already feel sad!
Have any other moms out there had similar feelings? And, should I continue trying to nurse Aubrey even when she doesn't seem to want it? I'm not ready to give up yet...but I want to make sure she is getting enough calories...any input would be helpful.
14 comments:
I have a baby girl that is very similar in age to your little girl. She will be 9 months on the 23rd. I decided about 2 months ago that I needed a break in breast feeding, I needed the freedom you were talking about it. She took to formula right away! I also felt guilty, especially when I thought about the difference from formula (chemicals) to breastfeeding (natural). But then I had to think that my baby really isn't worse off with formula. She is getting nutrients that way and she did get breastmilk for 7 months. That right there is something to be pleased with. So don't feel guilty, some women can't breast feed at all, at least we were able to do it for so long.
if you are somehow abnormal for having those feelings, then i am abnormal right along with you! i felt everything you described and more when we were having our breastfeeding difficulties at the beginning. you already know the saga so i won't go into it but let's just say... you know i'm not much of a crier, but i shed more tears over the breastfeeding issues than i ever have over anything in my whole life. the first time i had to give kya a single bottle of formula, i had a mini-breakdown. that might sound overdramatic to some people (i'm pretty sure joe thought i was losing my mind), but when you're so committed to breastfeeding, deviance from your plans and expectations is really hard.
so yes, your feelings are totally normal and i SO feel for you. by the same token, i've really had to learn to let myself off the hook (as you know) when things aren't going exactly as planned.
if i were you, i'd check with your doctor tomorrow... but everything i've ever read says that it's very rare for a breastfeeding mom to be providing inadequate nutrition for her baby. especially if bree is happy, alert, and filling her diapers. i wonder if the lack of weight gain is related to the hypotonia? maybe her body has to work so hard to build up muscle that she burns up all the calories too quickly for it to transform into weight gain? i also read on la leche league that for some babies with hypotonia, they have to use so much muscle power to nurse that they burn up a lot of their calories just in the act of feeding.
there's a good la leche league article here. you might want to scroll around their site--they have lots of good information:
http://www.llli.org/FAQ/enough.html
oh, i remembered something else you said :) yes, the sense of rejection is normal. we really struggled with that at our house in the early months. but i promise, eventually you get over it and remember that your baby worships you :)
Try nursing her only at night, before bed. That way you and her still have the bonding time that nursing has. I had to supplement Caleb with formula while I was at school. Formula can be good because it gives you a break and gives Bree what she needs. If giving up nursing for us mothers is hard...I can't imagine how it's going to be when they start their first day of school.
What a day! That does not sound fun, and I know you've been dealing with it for a while now. I don't think there is anything wrong with giving her formula- it's better than not nursing- and she has to eat! But I know what you mean about the frustration with her getting so distracted. I used to be able to nurse Leah anywhere with no problem, and then anything was more interesting than nursing. So for a while we had to only nurse in silence in her room- I couldn't even read a book because the page-turning would distract her! Then I stopped trying to nurse her as much- 4 times a day instead of 5- and that seemed to help, too. That way she was more hungry when she came to the breast.
There is so much to consider and worry about, but that's what moms do best! If you read this before your appointment, just know that Dr. A. will tell you to keep giving her formula! He's just like that, right?
And we are still waiting for our turn to play with Aubrey! Come over anytime!
Megan! As i was reading your post I just thought about my little life. I know how you feel. When Bence was about 4days old I gave him some formula because I was so weak after my labor so I couln'd nurse him. After that he didn;t want to nurse anymore. I was so so sad. I know it is not the same situation but by that time I decided I'm going to nurse him whenever he wants. I loved nursing, I still do. You know he'll turn two next month and he still love nursing. Loves it maybe too much. I don;t really mind but I'm afraid that and also sure that he won't stop if I don't make him stop. Sometimes it is so much easier when tha baby decides to stop nursing then when the mom has to be so strong and make the baby stop. What I'm saying is yes nurse Aubrey when she wants. Nurse her before formula if you want or just before she goes down for the night. But if she really doesn't want it anymore don't feel bad. I would be happy a little if Bence would be full with nursing:)
Oh, Megan, I know exactly how you feel. Abigail completely weaned herself by six months, partially because she was so constipated that the doctor told us to give her apple juice, which made her full and then she wouldn't nurse. Anyway, she dropped from the 80th percentile in weight to the 25th in two months, and she was so skinny we could see all her little ribs. The doctor finally told us to put her on formula, which was absolutely heart-breaking for me...I cried and cried and cried, because I felt like I'd failed her. But you know what? She did just great. She gained weight and by her next checkup she was right back in the 80th percentile, she progressed better developmentally, she slept better, etc. We always had a really hard time nursing (I would cry almost every time she latched on because it was so painful) and she was a really fussy eater, so it was sort of a blessing in disguise when she switched to formula. It definitely was difficult for me emotionally, but it was better for her, and ended up being much better for me, since I was finally able to heal. And to reassure you, nursing Juliet has been a totally different experience! Some babies just have a hard time, and that's why I'm so grateful that we DO have formula as an option.
Anyway, I would ask your pediatrician, but if you've nursed her until 9 months, that's a huge achievement already. Most babies that I know are fully weaned by age 1, and most first-time moms that I know end up with children who have weaned themselves around 6-10 months. You have seriously done such a great job so far! It's really up until 6 months that it's most critical, and you've gone above and beyond that. :-)
So be proud of your achievement, because it really is one--nursing is practically a full-time job. And talk to your pediatrician, and if she starts nursing again, great! And if she goes onto a bit more formula, rejoice in the fact that Matt can have a chance to cuddle with her during feedings.
We just went to our lactation class on Monday and I came home really upset. The lactation expert made it sound like our baby will be stupid, challeneged, and all together unhealthy if we don't breast feed exclusively until the baby is 2. So, I talked to my mom about it. She gave he best advice - breastfeed as long as the baby wants to. I was about 10 months old when I lost all interest in breastfeeding and wouldn't take a bottle, so my mom put me on solids. I don't think I'm stupid, maybe a little unhealthy, but that's more genetics than anything! Plus, she, my dad, father in law and mother in law were all raised on caro suryp and condensed milk and none of them have issues! So, I think it's totally fine to give Aubrey formula, esp since she seems to like it and has lost interest in breastfeeding. You might find that you aren't so tied down nowadays :)
I know you don't know me, I'm Rachel McRae's sister, but you sound like you are going through just what I did when my daughter was that age. I really struggled with whether or not to stop because I just wasn't ready and I felt like I would have nothing to give to Izzy if I wasn't nursing her; nursing had always been the no fail comfort for her and I wouldn't have the power to give her that anymore and it made me really sad and left me questioning how I would be a good mom without it. That being said, it wasn't about what I needed, it was about what Izzy needed and she could not focus on nursing anymore so I made the hard decision to stop and it worked out great. It was really hard at first but after a few days I knew I had made the right decision because I felt better physically and emotionally and Izzy was happy and full. Then I got to have lots of fun exploring new ways to have special mommy/izzy time. Sorry for the novel but one last note, you are her mom and you will always have something special that no one else (not even dad) has, and you will have the ability to comfort her even if you're not breastfeeding. You've done a great job!
Oh wow! I appreciate all of your comments sooo much! Thankyou for putting so much thought and compassion into your words...it is so helpful to hear advice and encouragment from other moms who have gone through similar challenges.
At Aubrey's doctors appointment today she was diagnosed with failure to thrive. I was shocked! I had always thought of failure to thrive being associated with babies in orphanages that were never recieving love, bonding, attatchment, etc. But she has slipped more that 50% on the growth curve...and hasn't gained more than a few ounces in 5 months.
Her Dr. talked to me a lot about feeding. He suggested trying to top her off with formula after every time I nurse and giving her finger foods. I'm hoping to find out more after Bree sees the neurologist on Monday...
So, I cried all the way home:) But I feel better now. I just know that I have to do what will help her the most and if that means giving her formula, then that is what I'll do. Sometimes it seems that Bree is having so many problems...I must be doing something wrong. But I have to keep telling myself that I am doing my best everyday to give her what she needs.
Sigh
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. This parenting stuff aint no joke!
mayabe you can continue breastfeeding if that is what you desire and then simply supplement, that way Bree still gets the natural milk like you want her to have and her caloric needs are met with the formula supplement. I had to stop nursing when Hannah was five months old. I did feel bad for some time, but I realized you can only do your best and both mom and baby need to be happy and healthy. That is what is most important! Hannah is formula fed and is healthy and incredibly happy, so don't feel guilty...you are a FABULOUS MOTHER! You are doing a good job!
remember, too, megan, that it is totally normal for babies to go through phases where they are distracted or temporarily reject the breast for a little while... but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are ready to wean. moms often find that their babies will be rejecting/disinterested for a few weeks and then come back. so if her apparent disinterest is your biggest fear... fear not!
I totally understand. I started losing my milk at about 6 months and had such a hard time admitting it to myself. She has been weaned from my milk for about a month and I still miss it. It is a very emotional thing and I guess I was more emotionally attached to it than Madelyn because madelyn had no problems giving it up. I totally can relate with your feelings of being rejected. Sometimes I still feel that way...but she's healthy and that's all that matters! You are such a great mom and friend.
I know many people have already given you great comments and ideas but I just wanted to tell you that Bree is SO lucky to have you for a mom. I don't even actually know you but I can tell you are a fantastic mother!
All the issues surrounding nursing were the hardest things (physically, emotionally, you name it!) for me after my son was born. My little guy was also labled "failure to thrive with an inflamed liver from lack of nutrients"... in my case it turned out that my breastmilk was lacking in calories. In essence, I produced skim milk not whole milk. My mother had the same problem too so it's probably genetic.
Anyway, you don't need the whole story but just know that it is ABSOLUTELY normal to feel the way you do. I felt like an utter failure to my child. It honestly broke my heart.
I ended up still nursing (for the first 5 months) first and then giving the bottle of formula, so he could get the antibodies from me and the calories/nutrients from the formula. Don't let ANYONE make you feel bad for your choices. You are the mother and you know what's best for you and your baby based on your own circumstances.
Like I said before, Bree is lucky to have a mother who cares about her so completely! Best wishes.
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