Lonely Party Of One

With Matt gone this weekend it's been kind of lonely. It makes me realize just how much I love having that guy around! Thursday wasn't too bad. Matt's parents ended up not picking him up until around noon so he made breakfast for me and then did the dishes afterward. I think he was feeling a bit guilty about leaving me alone with Bree for 3 days while he was off playing in the Grand Canyon. After he left I felt lonely immediately (even though I am at home alone everyday) just knowing he wasn't going to be home later. We've really worked ourselves into a pretty comfortable routine, so it was just weird.

But then I decided that since he was gone having fun that I should have some fun too:) So I ordered a yummy pizza for myself and decided I would indulge myself in a lazy evening of TV watching...it is premiere week after all. So after Bree went down I watched the last half of Survivor, then Grey's Anatomy. After that I went across the way to Melanie and Jason's house (the baby monitor works that far so I just locked to the door and listened from their apartment) and watched The Office with them. It was great fun to be lazy and not feel guilty about it for one second.

That's when the fun ended for the evening. I don't like going to bed alone so i putzed around the house until about 1am when I finally went to bed completely exhausted. Unfortunately I woke up around 5 am from an awful nightmare. I'll spare the details, but I was breathing hard and my heart was beating and I desperately wanted to wake up Matt and tell him about it while he snuggled me half-asleep. But alas... *Sigh*

So Friday was good. Bree took a great morning nap, and then Melanie (my dear friend who wanted to spare me from loneliness) and her little girl went to the mall with us. We had a good time looking around in different stores and visiting. Neither of us had much shopping success (I accidentally forgot to bring my wallet, but maybe that's a good thing), but it was good to get out and be social. The rest of the day was pretty good until about 5 pm. Around that time everyday is when Matt usually comes home and occupies Aubrey while I fix dinner or just take a break. We visit and talk about our days and such. So when that time rolls around and Matt doesn't come home I felt like looking at Aubrey and saying..."well now what are we supposed to do?" I'm pretty sure she was thinking the same thing:)

But right then Matt called to recap the big hike. He had so much fun and was excited to tell me all about it. At that moment I think I was feeling about 20 different things...it went something like this. "Am I supposed to be happy that he had all this fun while I was here by myself doing the same thing I do everyday? Well, I DO want him to have fun...he really deserves it. But I deserve it too. When is my vacation, huh? But I won't complain because I want to be a mother, not a martyr. And I couldn't go because I chose to breastfeed Aubrey and that's the best thing I can do for her, and I like breastfeeding, so its alright. But he owes me big time...no no no that isn't how marriages work. I want to be a good wife." So I think I ended up just saying "I miss you a lot". He knew the other stuff without me telling him.

As I try to look at this from a positive light, it is a good feeling to know that we miss each other when we are apart.