Dear Aubrey

Dear Aubrey,

I was looking through some of your old baby pictures tonight, and when I came across this one, my eyes welled up with tears.  I don't really know why.  But the emotions I felt came like a wave, washing over my heart.  You were just a baby when this picture was taken.  But your face is still just as full of light and love.

Oh my Aubrey.  We have been having a rough go of things lately.  Our world (yours especially) has been turned upside down with the arrival of your sweet brother.  Attention is divided, nights are long, tempers are short, and patience is running thin.  Mom and Dad are tired.  So tired.  And so are you.

The truth is, my dear, that I am still learning how to be your mother.  Some things come to me naturally.  I know how to care for your body, feed you, and tend to your hurts.  I know how to play ring around the rosie, london bridges, and tickle tag.  I know how to give you loves.  But I don't know how to help you learn.  I don't know how to reason with you or discipline you.  I don't know what to expect.  I am learning to be a mother, because you are my first child.  But I am also learning how to be the mother of an Aubrey.  You are one of a kind, my sweet.

I put you to bed tonight while Daddy was downstairs with Charlie.  I laid with you in your bed.  We prayed, and then we sang songs.  When I was in the middle of the second verse of Silent Night (and year round favorite of yours), you reached around and grabbed my nose.  And you held on to my nose as I kept singing.  It made me laugh, which made you giggle, and your giggle made me laugh even harder, and before you know it we were in the midst of a full blown giggle fit.  It was silly, and fun, and it made me realize that we need to laugh together more often.

You reminded me that sometimes, even in the middle of all the hard stuff, we still need to make room for joy.  Because there is always joy to be found.  Even if it is only in small things like bedtime giggles.

And so.  I have decided, Aubs, that I am going to start listening more closely.  I have been so busy trying to teach you the way, that I haven't been learning all the things that you were sent here to teach me.  But I am going to open my ears, and my heart, and make myself ready to learn.  Because I know that in the learning, there is even more joy to be found.

I love you,

Momma