So, last week was a bit rough. Fertility crap. This Monday in particular, was just a sad day for me. Sad about a failed month, frustrated about needing to start another round of progesteron just to get my cycle started, sick about having to abuse my body with another round of clomid, and...I'll be honest, ridiculously jealous of a friend who had just announced a pregnancy.
In my mind I had this whole sad post going about the ups and downs, the dashed hopes, and the complete and utter lonliness that I feel as I am going through all of this.
But then I decided that instead of doing my one usual spinning class in the evening, I was also going to do a Zumba class. Two classes in the same evening! (I'm trying to get a rockin' bod before our vacation, k?) So I went to Zumba from 6:00-7:00, came home and helped Matt get Aubrey to bed, then left again and went to spinning from 8:00-9:00.
Was I tired? You bet your bike riding bottom, I was. But, here's the kicker! I felt SO. DANG. GOOD. I'm not even kidding. And it wasn't even just the sense of accomplishment that one get's after a good work out. I was high!
I came home and hung out with Matt for a while, then sat down at the computer to finally write my sad post. But guess what? I couldn't do it. I couldn't write about all of those sad, hard things...because I didn't feel it. In that moment, those feelings didn't apply to me anymore. All I could feel was this positive, happy energy coursing through my body. Kind of like that feeling you have just after giving birth, when you nurse your baby for the first time.
It's a miracle, I tell you. Or at least it felt like it at the time.
Of course I recognize that "getting high" on exercise won't ever take away the pain and heartache associated with secondary infertility...or any of lifes trials for that matter. But it sure is nice to know that I have a few tools to help take the edge off. And if shaking my booty in a Zumba class, or sweating like a feind in a spinning class will keep me from writing pitiful, emotionally charged blog posts...then I'll take it!
8 comments:
Megan, that's exactly why I LOVE zumba, it relaxes me and makes me so happy! I am glad you had a great evening! and I'm sorry about the fertility crap :(
I need to look up what "zumba" is...sounds cool:) This post makes me want to get out and release some endorphines!!
Zumba. Is. Amazing. I haven't gone since I moved to Washington--my sister and I used to go at 6am. I miss it like crazy!
Okay, OKAY! I really need to get back exercising... and I just haven't made the leap yet. But, I know I need to even just for the high that you get!
I am sorry about the fertility crap too. But I am glad there are things that humans can do to relieve some stress (besides harmful things like drinking and stuff ;)
hang in there.
yay! yay! for a work-out high! I'm so glad it helped you feel better. I'm dying to try zumba and I swear I will one of these days.
(((hugs))) about the fertility drama. You're in my thoughts, sweetie.
(thumbs up) LIKE!
I think you might have me hooked too.
I really need to start exercising again. I just got a diagnosis from my doctor that I'm not too happy about and it's made this week really, really rough.
Hang in there. I went through that, with the Clomed and the Progesterone, and I hated it and it made me so sick! So I finally just went off everything and started seeing an acupuncturist, and not only was I not sick anymore, but I got pregnant!
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